Hey there. How's your day going so far? Have you spent much time thinking about how you're going to die alone in your apartment, face down in a bowl of the soggy cereal you're eating for dinner because why would you ever cook a proper meal when it's just you? Well, allow science to make your day even better by telling you that if you live alone, you are virtually guaranteed to be incredibly depressed. But don't worry, it's…oh, fuck it. There's no way to sugarcoat it. It's all so pointless.
New research has found that people living alone had an almost 80 percent higher risk for depression—as measured by taking antidepressants—than people who lived in any kind of "social or family group." So maybe now is a good time to move to that Kibbutz you've been considering? Or just take in a boarder? Should you choose to take the exceedingly chance-y path of remaining on your own (what are you, a sociopath?), the good news is you'll have company. Apparently the number of people living alone in the U.S. and the U.K. has doubled in the 30 years. Let the thought that someone else is also alone doing weird shit on the other side of the apartment wall come as some comfort to you while you watch TV every night and cry yourself to sleep—because we all know that people who live alone never go out, except to hunt squirrel meat to tide them through the winters, of course.