One day last week some jerk in the office, I won't say whom, but he works at a site that rhymes with Wizbodo, played this terrible, terrible Carly Rae Jepsen song, "Call Me Maybe," over and over again, maybe 13 or 14 times. And it felt like the track was going to go on forever, like I'd fallen into a hole in the space-time continuum where HEY…I JUST MET YOU was just being repeated ad infinitum and the cells of my brain were drifting away from each other in a super slow motion explosion. It was grueling and cruel and when I described it later I was like, you know, that song… And then I found that I kind of knew it. The song had seeped into the spaces between the synapses in my brain. But then when I got home I'd forgotten the name, so I looked it up to try and figure out what was so irritating about it. I watched the official video, and the one with Beebs and Selena, and I listened to the track three more times, and then a couple more, and then, I don't know what happened, but I was clicking "purchase" on iTunes and humming it in the shower. And today Carly Rae Jepson performed this fucking song, that I hate but somehow CANNOT STOP LISTENING TO, on Ellen's show, and it wasn't as good as the original somehow, but I couldn't put my finger on it, so here I am listening to it on iTunes again. Brain officially smothered by sticky, syrupy pop music. Send help.