Of all the things you look for in a potential mate, having the same taste in women's shoes is probably at the tippy-top of the list, right? Thought so. That's why this new service in Malaysia called Shoe Dating is so very perfect: it matches couples up based on their ability to pick out the same shoe in a store. Here's how this insanely complicated—and fairly creepy sounding—proposition works. It's run out of a cleverly-named store called Shoes Shoes Shoes. Men who've signed up with a dating service called Lunch Actually (groan) can go into the store and pick out a pair of shoes they'd like to see their potential date wearing. And then ladies come in and shop for heels—it seems to be all heels, because who wears flats except total losers AMIRITE? And here's how Shoe Dating's Facebook page describes what happens next:
Just buy a pair from a special selection of shoes and get a date for free with a guy who likes your choice. Lunch Actually, Asia's premier lunch dating company, will match you with an eligible bachelor and arrange for the two of you to meet. Here's the best part — you can enjoy a discount of 10% or more off the shoe price, courtesy of Prince Charming! Still don't believe in fairy tales? We can assure you that we're not kidding. So get to it girl! Let the shoes decide your destiny.
A free lunch date and a discounted pair of shoes? That does sound like a fairy tale... One from Lord Terribleson's Book of Icky Fairy Tales, but a fairy tale nevertheless. So let's get to it, girls! Oh, wait, the shoes are cheaper because he's paid for part of them? That's gross. Who wants to feel like they owe Prince Charming for a pair of heels if they discover after five minutes that there's nothing charming about him?
Anyway, if you do decide to "let the shoes decide your destiny," and you go out with your match, at least you will be spared the many hours usually spent fretting over whether your date will like your shoes. Phew. And should, by pure chance, you end up with a guy that you actually like and not some dude who insists on holding your feet and repeatedly counting your toes with his tongue during lunch, then you will truly be able to live out the off-brand Cinderella story that the service promises. Though your endless happiness may be dampened somewhat by constantly having to explain to people how you met ("I bought the shoes, and they threw in a husband for free!") and then hearing them say that you guys are the "perfect pair" and "soul mates." "Oh, haha, that's clever," you'll reply through clenched teeth. So, come to think of it, maybe you're better off just buying whatever damn shoes you like and taking your chances on the open market.