A Short Shoe Rant From a Former Club Kid

What the fuck is this fucking bullshit. First of all, they are hideous. Second, I cannot believe this shit is back. Third, when I was a teenage* raver-ish club kid, we took our shoes down to the cobbler and WE MADE OUR OWN platforms (mine were from saddle oxfords, and paired with giant dickies and a T-shirt that looked like Charlie Brown's). We definitely did not pay $150. Seriously, who is paying a hundred and fifty bucks for these shoes? Because that person is an asshole. Not even Baby Spice herself would be seen in this fug shit. Who owns '90s nostalgia? The kid with the credit card. Now pardon me while I go listen to "Plastic Dreams."

[Urban Outfitters]

*I might have been 19, I might have been 21, who can remember.