The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Today in romantic, porn star Alex Torres — aka Voodoo – claims Lindsay Lohan paid him for sex and that the gruesome twosome went at it while her dear daddy Michael Lohan slumbered upstairs. Though this should be taken with a pinch of salt, and possibly a roofie, the sky-diving porn enthusiast [NSFW] insisted it was the cold, unsettling truth when he dished all to a Toronto radio station. "Ask him [Michael Lohan] if he knows about that night I had with his daughter while he was sleeping upstairs. I'm not joking!" he said. "Many of these Hollywood celebrities pay me a high price dollar to come and satisfy them. I'm not joking!" He's not kidding around. Poor Lindsay, she's a total shit magnet. What I want to know is what Dina Lohan thinks about this mess. After saying for years that the stay-at-club mom needs to stop speaking to the press about her daughter I'm getting withdrawals. Dina, what say you? [Radar]


The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Noooooooo! After winning our affection for verbalizing the widely accepted phenomenon of Michael Bay's abject dickery by calling him a "fucking asshole," Chris O'Dowd has had a change of heart and apologized for his just words. In a letter that Bay published on his website – blurgh – Chris said he was misquoted and he's totally sowwy. "Please know this, I never called you an asshole. For one, I don't know you, and secondly, in Ireland, we say ‘Arse,'" he wrote. "I'm actually sorry I ever took the bait and got into this at all. I'm totally ignorant about it, I've never even had a conversation with Megan about it and was clearly too full of bravado and bereft of subtlety to defend a co-star professionally." [E!]
Sidebar: while I'm admittedly excited about a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, does it have to be directed by Michael Bay? [Vulture]
It appears that the guy who voiced Michaelangelo in the original version agrees, Robbie Rist saying that Bay is "sodomizing" the franchise. Presumably that's a bad thing in this context. [TMZ]


The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Last week we unearthed the incredibly important $8,000/month beauty regime breakdown of Jennifer Aniston. This week we can confirm it was all a complete crock of shit and that she spends a couple hundred bucks at best. "Although I am a sucker for an amazing moisturizer, love a great facial, have been using the same cleansing bar since I was a teenager and have always been a dedicated tooth-brusher, reports that I am spending eight thousand a month on a beauty regime are greatly exaggerated," she said. "By my tally, this month I'm in for about two hundred bucks." [People]


The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Outspoken bikini activist Sofia Vergara sat down for a lingerie-clad chat with Esquire about the tradition of thongs in her native Colombia. "I was like, What is that? It's like a diaper. It's terrible. Who can look good in that?" she said of the first time she clamped eyes on the US version of a two-piece bathing suit. "There's nothing slutty about a dental-floss bikini. You don't even think about it. The first bathing suit your mother buys you is in the shape of a triangle." The ardent defender of bare buttocks then went on to explain why huge tits also rule supreme. "In Colombia everybody's very voluptuous and you're supposed to be," she added. "You don't want to be skinny when all of your cousins are mermaids. You grow up thinking that's how beauty is." [US]


The Romantic Tale of How Lindsay Lohan Paid a Porn Star for Sex While Dad Was Snoring Upstairs

Like most people, I spend my days thinking about what the marginally talented among us are doing at any given time. Now, thanks to Disney, I will wonder no more because they're about to start production on a Jonas Brothers-themed family reality show so we can see what Kevin, Joe and Nick are up to. Though, because it's Disney and not Bravo or even E! controlling the puppet strings it's going to lack the emotional manipulation and dazzling parade of delusion a hit show requires and will most likely be boring as shit. Someone needs to get Andy Cohen and the Hanson brothers on the phone – that I'd watch. [Page Six]


  • Ugh, I ignored it yesterday but to keep you up-to-date with fictional celebrity infotainment there are reports that Adele has embarked on a health kick to lose the weight she's repeatedly said she couldn't give a fuck about. [Page Six]
  • Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick have put their nine-year-old son James Wilkie to work, the wee nubbin singing "Here Comes The Sun" with his mom at his dad's 50th in front of Broadway types. [Page Six]
  • Rihanna's security and driver did a bang-up job when they left her stranded out the front of La Pomme to brave a horde of fans and paps. [Page Six]
  • Real estate porn: the Alicia Keys/Swizz Beatz edition. Four powder rooms, anyone? [Page Six]
  • Now, I don't watch Two And A Half Men because I've neither suffered a significant brain injury nor been part of a college fraternity, but news that Kathy Bates is guest starring as Charlie Sheen in a ghost sequence piqued my interest. Albeit just long enough for me to realize I'd actually have to watch the show to see her and I don't think I can handle the rape-lite jokes and AXE body spray commercials (I'm assuming). [E!]
  • Sorry Gwyneth Paltrow, The New York Times is calling bullshit on your bullshit. [E!]
  • Kristen Bell and other celebs take to the Twitters to defend KONY spokesface Jason Russell following his epic public meltdown. [E!]
  • Daniel Radcliffe as Allen Ginsberg just looks like a slightly dishevelled Harry Potter after he took a job as a college professor. [E!]
  • Perfect timing! Jessica Alba announces that she's going to release a parenting guide just after the publication of a study that says such books leave new moms feeling confused and inadequate. [People]
  • Hugh Grant says that he likes his daughter Tabitha "very much," which is just as well. [People]
  • Eternal optimist Halle Berry is obviously pretty sure she's going to get the go-ahead from the judge to take her daughter Nahla to Paris because she's been seen checking out schools in the capital. [TMZ]
  • Lenny Kravitz says that his swagger inspiration for the character of Cinna – who he plays in Hunger Games — is based on his bi friend. [Ministry Of Gossip]
  • We welcome you to take a chillingly hilarious look at what might become of John Hamm and co. as their Mad Men characters age ungracefully. [Vulture]
  • Nicki Minaj stands to make more than you will in several lifetimes as the new face of diabetes a new Pepsi-related beverage. [Forbes]