Rosie O’Donnell’s Show Cancelled for Sucking

Just a day late for the Ides of March, Oprah Winfery's faltering OWN network announced that it will cancel Rosie O'Donnell's eponymous talk show, The Rosie Show. But why? you ask. It's actually quite simple — nobody's tuning in, despite occasional spikes in viewership from an Oprah-hosted interview series and seemingly monthly revamps. News of the cancellation comes after speculation last week that the show was in its death throes, with reports that O'Donnell is selling her $2.5 million Chicago mansion where the show tapes so she could move production to New York, and that the show itself was plagued by a lack of focus, an often cantankerous host, and an ongoing backstage struggle for ultimate dominance between Oprah and Rosie, with the show's crew — composed of loyal Oprah veterans — siding with Oprah. In a statement released yesterday, O'Donnell said, "It was a great year for me — I wish the show was able to attract more viewers — but it did not. So I am headed back to my home in New York — with gratitude. On we go!" Just where she thinks she might be heading, however, is a mystery since her defunct talk show averaged only 150,000 viewers a week. Maybe there's an A League of Their Own sequel in the works. [Vulture]

  • Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are willing to annul their marriage as long as somebody takes the blame for the ill-fated nuptials. Kardashian's camp is adamant that Kris admit that he "defrauded" the reality star by promising to live in Hollywood but secretly planning to kidnap and imprison her in a Minnesota ice castle. Humphries is countering with a demand for $7 million and that his estranged wife admit that she never had any intention of making the marriage real, or at least any more real than it needed to be for the cameras. Stay tuned to find out which of these incredibly likable and sympathetic celebrity caricatures comes out on top (hint: Kim Kardashian is protected by an ironclad pre-nup, so she probably will). [TMZ]
  • Rumor has it that Lorne Michaels banned Adrien Brody from SNL for ad-libbing against strict instructions from the sketch-comedy producer not to. Brody, however, doesn't really know if he's been banned because Michaels said "nothing like that" to him backstage after his rambling 2003 introduction of musical guest Sean Paul, whom Brody mistakenly called "Sean John." Whoops! [E!]
  • According to a hasty TMZ airport interview, George Clooney used his one phone call from jail to talk to his mommy, a possible indication that an intimate (maybe even Norman Bates-like because who really knows?) maternal bond has been responsible for the leading man's inability to commit long-term to just one woman. Good luck with all that, Stacy Keibler. [TMZ]
  • The ghost of Slim Shady appeared in Austin last night when Eminem joined numismatic rapper 50 Cent on stage at South By Southwest, a noted music festival that will soon be mainstream enough for all you non-indie people to attend. [AP]
  • Ice Cube summed up the state of mainstream Hollywood bromedies this week when he said of 21 Jump Street co-stars Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, "White men love bro-mances, man...God bless ‘em. I hope they'll be happy together." [ONTD]
  • Jennifer Lopez's manager Benny Medina has said that he wishes the diva wouldn't attract the "nearly obsessive" types that make romantic overtures to her. "The thing that I always sort of wished is that she would give herself time to just naturally meet someone," Medina told Vogue, "instead of having nearly obsessive guys pursue her." [Ministry]
  • Adrian Grenier is under the delusion that Barack Obama, leader of the free world, would stoop to an Entourage movie cameo. Grenier posted a picture of him and the President on his Facebook page with the disappointing caption, "I promised to make the Entourage movie if he would do a cameo. He agreed. Seriously." Seriously, Adrian, the President is a politician in campaign mode — he'll never appear in your unnecessary movie. Fingers crossed. [E!]
  • Former American Idol contestant Asia'h Epperson, the woman perhaps most famous for getting into a fight in the bathroom of a Hollywood club, is suffering from multiple injuries after a being involved in a car wreck on Wednesday. [E!]
  • On a scale of 1 to not really, how bad do you feel for Rihanna that, despite avowed late-night McDonald's runs and ice cream binges, she claims that she annoyingly can't gain any weight? [Us]
  • Bethenny Frankel flashed her butt yesterday after too-eagerly accepting Anderson Cooper's push-challenge despite the fact that she was wearing a dress. Feel free to watch the video if you're the sort of sick person who likes to see someone endure a really embarrassing moment on national television. [E!]