Elected officials in New Hampshire have taken it upon themselves to use their ancient, mysterious gavel powers to legislate truth into and out of being. And as such, they've deemed it not only acceptable but mandatory for doctors to warn women seeking abortions that if they go through with it, terrible, terrible, cancery things will happen to them. The only problem is that the science purporting to link abortion and cancer doesn't exist.
Most of New Hampshire's pending abortion legislation is more of the same shit we've seen across the country. But one premise of the law challenges the very nature of truth and reality itself. According to the bill,
It is scientifically undisputed that full-term pregnancy reduces a woman's lifetime risk of breast cancer. It is also undisputed that the earlier a woman has a first full-term pregnancy, the lower her risk of breast cancer becomes, because following a full-term pregnancy the breast tissue exposed to estrogen through the menstrual cycle is more mature and cancer resistant.
In fact, for each year that a woman's first full-term pregnancy is delayed, her risk of breast cancer rises 3.5 percent. The theory that there is a direct link between abortion and breast cancer builds upon this undisputed foundation.
Undisputed, you say? Maybe if you're relying solely on select research conducted in the 1950's and 60's and ignoring what the American Cancer Society says. According to the Society, while older studies conducted decades ago occasionally found links between breast cancer and abortion, they've been debunked on the grounds that sample sizes were too small, and that no newer, more reliable study with a large sample size has found any link between abortion and breast cancer. So the science used to back up a law dictating how doctors must practice is undisputed like how Sarah Palin is Undefeated.
The rule would require doctors to essentially try to urban legend them out of ending a pregnancy.
According to legend, you see, if a woman who is with child were to succumb to her basest babykilling inclinations, her breasts will surely transform into sacks of tumors as punishment for the sin against womanhood she's committed by not welcoming motherhood at all times.
If New Hampshire's bill passes, this scary campfire story would have to be read to a woman at least 24 hours before the procedure, so she has time to have nightmares about it. It's a pity that no one tried to amend the law to require the doctor to turn out all of the lights in the room and shine a flashlight on his face at an upward angle during the reading of this warning.
And then, when she got home, there was a hook in the door!