Virginia Republican caucus chairman Ryan McDougle has proven himself a fearless, uterusless supporter of Getting all up in The Commonwealth's Ladybusiness. He backed the state's now-tabled Personhood bill and stood behind the law that will force women seeking abortions to receive medically unnecessary ultrasounds. And Virginia's women, touched that he cares so much for what's happening inside their female anatomy, have taken to his Facebook page in order to give the lawmaker detailed updates on what's going around in and around their babycaves. It should go without saying that hilarity ensued.
The tampon-flinging started yesterday (and sort of blew up after one of the original comments was posted on perennial mischief-maker Reddit, those lovable scamps!) and continued until whatever poor schmuck intern is in charge of the State Senator's Facebook page discovered what was going down and began feverishly deleting. But before the vaginal dispatches disappeared, The Daily Kos got screen shots for your perusing pleasure.
Among the more brilliant posts?
You know, Senator, I've wished all my life that a man would know more about my own vaginal issues than I do, and now you're here! So here it goes, during my last period, I had to use the Super tampons because I had some chunky blood issues. You know, that pesky uterus and all. Maybe you could tell my uterus that all the blood will ooze out in its own time, and not to rush itself into shooting clots out every month. Also, I find it very inconvenient that I wake up in a pool of my own blood on the first and second days of my period. Maybe you can help a sister out?
Senator McDougle, I am almost 49 and STILL menstruating with no sign of slowing down! Frankly, I've had enough of this inconvenience- the cost of pads and pain reliever and all the mess- well YOU know how it is. You're an expert on this lady stuff. I was going to ask my gynocologist [sic] about this issue, but since you know so much about women's reproductive health, I figured I'd just stop by your Facebook page and ask you. So, when will I finally go through the change? My mister and I want to donate the money we spend on birth control to the Richmond Reproductive Freedom Project to help women pay for those unfunded government mandated ultrasounds.
Hey, since you're so interested in my health, I just wanted to let you know that I've been really horny lately because I'm ovulating. But don't worry, I won't engage in dangerous heterosexual sex that could result in a pregnancy. This is because I"m a really fat and hairy Lesbian and I plan on having sex with women for the rest of my life, the really butch dykey kind. The current object of my affections, and the central character in the majority of the sexual fantasies at the moment, is Alison Bechdel (pictured below). Thanks for showing me the light in regards to my own sexual health, in affirming that having sex with men in [sic] more trouble than it's worth. The fact that women are sexier anyway, it just a happy coincidence.
Hi senator. I seem to be irregular and my cramping is pretty bad- so bad that I can't sleep at night or get anything done. Imagine being repeatedly kicked in the crotch for hours, but move the pain up to the whole lower abdomen, because that's the only way I can describe it to someone who doesn't have a uterus that can cramp so badly that it restricts blood flow to surrounding tissues. I thought you would be concerned.
Hey senator! just a quick hello to let you know that I'm currently ovulating! my vaginal discharge is thick and sticky and smells acidic (probably all the garlic i've been eating!) if you want to note that in the charts you must be keeping on me and my vulva. i'll let you know how i'm doing next week!
The first tidal wave of thick posts chunky with heavy details has been deleted, but Facebook users haven't relented. The current set of posts currently up on McDougle's wall are worth a read. If you've got popcorn around, I'd advise popping it and sticking around for a bit. This is incredibly entertaining.
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