Missouri Stupidly Decides to Create Rush Limbaugh Shrine in the State CapitolS

Over the past few days, there have been many, many suggestions thrown around about what kinds of things should be done to Rush Limbaugh. But among the many creative ways which people have devised to properly shame and humiliate him, no one has thought of something as brilliant as what Missouri House Speaker Steve Tilley already had in the works: erecting a bronze bust of Rush to preserve his bloated, maniacal face for future generations.

Ew, what? Well, you see Tilley wanted to honor Rush, a native of Missouri, by placing a bust of him in the Hall of Famous Missourians in the state capitol later this year. Rush was already set to be put there before he went overboard and created the whole Sandra Fluke mess for himself. And, despite the objections of some of his colleagues, Tilley sees no reason to back down, saying, "It's not the ‘Hall of Universally Loved Missourians, it's the Hall of Famous Missourians." Well, Rush certainly is famous…more like infamous, actually, but same diff.

Tilley says he isn't going to let a few instances of name calling get in the way of immortalizing Rush, "He talks on the radio every day for hours, and I'm not going to go through and review every comment he's ever made." I can't think of a more painful way to spend one's time, but if you did, chances are you'd quickly decide that instead of giving him a bronze bust, you'd be better off pouring bronze into his mouth to prevent any more sound from coming out. But it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks because the Speaker chooses who gets inducted and everything is paid for by the money raised by his Annual Golf Classic. Perfect. Oh, and in a case of extremely strange bedfellows, Tilley is also set to add the legitimately famous Dred Scott to the Hall of Famous Missourians with Rush, which should serve as a nice reminder that where there is evil in the world, there is also good.

As ridiculous as this seems on the surface, there is actually a silver lining to this bronze, evil-marshmallow-faced cloud: Just think of all the decorating we can do! When this bronze sculpture is unveiled, it will be our civic duty to ensure that it is dressed up like Slutty Whore McProstitute for the rest of its days. After all, we know that nothing upsets Rush more that the thought of a loose woman out on the town. So let's slut that bronze statue up with a little bit of lewd lipstick and sparkly eyeshadow, a cheap feather boa, a push-up bra, and perhaps some lube, just to keep it glistening. Really, it's the least we can do after Rush has done so much for us.

Honor for Rush Limbaugh is fracas for Missouri [Kansas City Star]