Comment of the Day: The Real Equation for Surefire Weight-Loss

Fancy scientists may have devised a totally complex formula for losing weight, but our own bloodlesscoup has done them one better:

Here's my formula for weight loss, which has led me to lose 85 pounds in about two years. I still have some weight to lose, but so far, it's been very effective:

1) Spend 25 years of your life being taught that food is: a (love), b (validation), c (reward), and d (shameful to consume in excess). Other important values include: X (confusion), Y (shame), and Z (frustration).

2) Have a sudden epiphany that: ((Y+Z)d)+((a+b+c)X) = a life of wearing mumus because nothing else will fit in the near future.

3) Take one weekend to figure out that: C (drinking coffee) + R (eating raw carrots) = D (the shits), and there might be a better way to avoid the mumu future.

4) Settle on conclusion that E(L)+F(M) = fairly quick and consistent weight loss (where E = eating, L = Less, F = fitness/exercise, and M = More), but that E(L)+F(M)/O = happier weight loss (where O = Oreos).

5) Eat less, exercise more, and still eat Oreos. Lose 85 pounds. Develop a burgeoning love of running. Don't beat yourself up over eating treats here and there. Have a healthier relationship with food and realize it doesn't replace stupid fucking ex boyfriends.

Ta-daaaaaaaaa!

Submit nominations to the Comment of the Day tag page. Click on the comment's time stamp, and post the comment's URL to the forum along with the tag #cotd. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work.)

Use #trollpatrol to report comments that you feel the editors/mods should be aware of. Try not to respond to/approve/promote trollish comments in the threads — instead, just post the comment on the #trollpatrol page, the same way you'd post a comment on #groupthink or on the #cotd page, and the editors/mods will take care of it.

For meetups, use the meetup tag page!