Last night, MAC Cosmetics threw a party and for some reason, the only drag queen that showed up was Nicki Minaj. Even weirder, there weren't any particularly amazing displays of makeup on the red carpet. It was actually all about the shoes.

Kelly Osbourne's old lady hair hair has grown on me like a fibroid tumor—it's kinda gross but ultimately not bad.

Ricky Martin looks insanely handsome in a Douglas Fairbanks sort of way, but I'd be remiss to not point out his artsy vagina tie.

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Socialite Tinsley Mortimer is clearly having a problem with the whole aging thing. I call her style Bow-tox. I guess she thinks she can pull off the cutesy dress and an immobile face. It's interesting that 5 years ago she was 32, according to the New York Times, but today she's only 35, according to Wikipedia.

Model Constance Jablonski's dress is kinda whatevs, but her gold-accented Mary Janes are amazing.

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Roxy Diaz could turn a man into a eunuch with one swift kick to the nuts.

I wonder if Annelise Peterson, Carly Cushnie, Michelle Ochs, and Coco Rocha know how many Urban Outfitters decorative pillows had to die for their coats.

I love everything about Nicki Minaj here. She's like an exaggerated piece of candy, which I thought we'd see more of at a MAC party. I mean, she was the only one with false eyelashes.

I don't mind Oh Land's doily dress, but it's kind of messy to wear shoulder pads with a see-thru dress. I am intrigued by Chen Man's Obi-Wan sleeves, but when it comes down to it, she's really just a boring Björk. And then there's Eglantina Zing, who's like Arquette-bad here.