Comment of the Day: Claw Hands, A Love Story

This morning we met a woman who, thanks to the miracle of photoshop, had some seriously freaky hands. Some were haunted by the image, but JamieMF was inspired to create a gripping Lifetime movie based on her life story:

You guys laugh now, but just wait until Lifetime releases a sweet and moving biographical movie about this woman's lifelong struggle to be accepted as a fashion model and a human being despite her freakish, mutant hands that resulted from her mother's recklessly taking duck-based gene therapy pills whilst pregnant. It will star Courtney Cox as the model and Rob Lowe as the handsome, debonair agent who is torn between his desire for her and his aversion to her hands, based on a freak nuclear-mutant hands accident in his youth. Eventually he will overcome his tragic and troubled past just in time to rescue her from her abusive boyfriend, who she has only stayed with due to her low self worth stemming from her hands.

They will run off to New York together and take the modeling industry by storm, because all the designers think her hands are tres chic and so avante garde, darling! Of course, trouble briefly enters paradise when she thinks he is cheating on her with a normal-handed woman due to a series of Big Misunderstandings (TM, patent pending), but JUST as she is about to fly back to her old boyfriend, convinced he is the only one who will ever love her, the agent rushes through the airport and stops her plane from leaving while he drops to one knee and proposes, showing her a ring he got specially made to fit on her thin little extra fourth finger. They kiss and we fade to black, while a sappy pop song plays over the credits. It will be AWESOME, and then won't you all be sorry for making fun of this amazing, inspirational woman and her hands?

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