Mitt Romney Profits Handsomely from Premarital Fucking

Mitt Romney's unleashed some pretty tough anti-birth control talk this campaign season. He's stated repeatedly that he believes that life begins at conception, and that the morning after pill is murder. Interestingly enough, Mitt Romney's gigantic stock portfolio contains a fair amount of money actually invested in companies that manufacture birth control and the morning after pill. I suppose now's as good a time as ever to thank Mitt Romney investing in the technology that has enabled me to have so much premarital sex.

According to ThinkProgress, Romney's not exactly putting his money where his mouth is, but rather putting it where other people's genitals are. In 2010, he made $600,000 from his investments in one particular Goldman Sachs fund, which holds a portfolio heavy in pharmaceuticals. Among them? Watson Pharmaceuticals, Johnson & Johnson, Pfizer, Mylan, and Merck. Watson alone makes nine different forms of morning after pills.

Romney can't play dumb on his investments, either. ThinkProgress notes that although Romney often claims to be invested in a "blind trust" that would obscure to him the location of his assets, when he unsuccessfully ran for President in 2008, he was compelled to sign disclosure forms that removed the "blind" aspect of his investments. In other words, they're about as blind as Maggie Lizer.

The former Massachusetts governor might argue that in today's economic climate, everything's tangled up with everything and it's impossible to avoid investing in pharmaceuticals. Not true. If Romney were truly interested in practicing what he preaches and not profitting from what he erroneously refers to as "abortion," he could turn to one of many so-called "socially responsible investments," each of which purports to give investors the opportunity to put money in the market without financing evil companies that profit from things like drugs and war.

Or, if he wanted to swing 180 in the other direction and invest entirely in evil, there's always The Vice Fund. Think about it, Mittens. It gets great returns.

Mitt Romney is heavily invested in the birth control he seeks to restrict [ThinkProgress]