Demi Moore Sneaks into Utah Rehab Center

More than 20 years since she first went to rehab in 1985, Demi Moore is seeking treatment for her vague Red Bull/incense/Reddi-Whip addiction at the Cirque Lodge, a Shangri-La treatment center in Sundance, Utah for Hollywood's race of drug-addled demigods. Sources say that Moore entered the facility a week after her January 23 collapse during a party at her home in the Benedict Canyon area of Los Angeles, which means that someone at TMZ or E! spent too much time trying to come up with period jokes about Christina Aguilera's performance at the Etta James memorial and forgot to monitor the Demi Moore GPS tracker for updates on the actress's whereabouts. Cirque Lodge claims that it takes its patients' privacy "seriously" and there are probably all sorts of fancy ways that celebrities like Demi Moore have of slipping through the web of gossip magazines — maybe she took a helicopter or even teleported — but it seems like with a little bit less speculation about Moore's rumored Red Bull addiction and a little more relentless stalking we would have known that she'd gone to rehab and could have then made the appropriate arrangements to organize a vigil outside the Cirque Lodge's gates. Our well-wishes might not be welcome, though — according to one source, Moore is "on total lockdown and only talking to a small group of people." [Us, E!]


Demi Moore Sneaks into Utah Rehab Center

Russel Brand has reportedly tried to arrange a rendezvous with Zooey Deschanel, which the Daily Mail was quick to point out seems super creepy because Deschanel has black hair and blue eyes just like Katy Perry. I mean, they could be twins or even clones created by Russell Brand's team of circus handlers as part of a contingency plan — should Brand kill or divorce one of them, it'd be like, "Hey, no big deal, there are two!" Sources say that Brand believes Zooey Deschanel is just the sort of manic pixie dream girl to re-ignite his passion for life since he "loves her quirky sense of humor and thinks they'd be great together both on-and-off screen." Like, in between takes of their quirky remake of It Could Happen to You, Deschanel could goad a reluctant Russell Brand into roller-blading through a mall, thus showing him how magical life can be when it's lived in fits of impractical spontaneity. Though "intrigued" by Brand's interest, Deschanel is not unaware that she looks eerily like his estranged wife and probably thinks that's a little weird. [Daily Mail]

  • In news of celebrities who probably ought to be in rehab, Snookie and Jwoww have decided to forgo their Jersey Shore spin-off project after the fine city of Hoboken denied them a filming permit. Just kidding! Undaunted by Hoboken's refusal, the two women have started looking around New Jersey for a suitable Hoboken replacement, which could pretty much be any other city because all New Jersey cities look and smell exactly the same — post-apocalyptic Mad Max settlements cobbled imperfectly together and powered by pig feces. [TMZ]
  • Turns out we won't get to learn the fascinating secrets behind the success of the restaurants Real Housewives of Beverly Hills mega-celebrity Lisa Vanderpump owns because Bravo has decided to pass on her pilot. [Radar]
  • No such bad luck for Scrubs alum Sarah Chalke, who has booked the lead in a new pilot for ABC that producers are still deciding whether to call How to Live With Your Parents for the Rest of Your Life or That New Concept Show that Nobody Will Watch. [HuffPo]
  • In an interview with assimilated extraterrestrial James Lipton on Inside the Actor's Studio, Brad Pitt said that he is the original prankster and not, as popular legend would have it, George Clooney. The prank wars started on the set of Ocean's 12 when Pitt wrote the Italian crew a letter explaining that nobody should look at or address Clooney because he needed the utmost concentration. Pitt recited part of the letter: " ‘Mr. Clooney asks that you try not to interrupt him, look him in the eye. If you do need to address Mr. Clooney, please refer to him only as 'Daniel' or 'Mr. Ocean.' " [People]
  • Alleged soccer player David Beckham was kicked out of his son Romeo's soccer game for being that asshole dad who yells at the refs and makes everyone else really uncomfortable. [E!]
  • Jason Segel received Harvard's Hasty Pudding "Man of the Year" award after reaching the pinnacle of his likability in The Muppets. [E!]
  • Snoop Dogg will finally bring pro football back to Los Angeles when he buys the L.A. team for the new Ladies Arena Football League, which sounds pretty much as skeevy as the Lingerie Football League. Snoops summed up his impending business move with a no towards a future NFL team in L.A.: "A lot of beautiful girls playing football. That's the closest thing we've got. Hopefully we can get a real NFL franchise to the city of L.A. because we deserve it." [OMG]
  • Blake Lively had been the fly in the ointment of Steven Soderbergh's new thriller Side Effects, as investors balked when rumors started floating around that Lively was lobbying hard for the leading role. That role has now gone to Rooney Mara. Sad face for Blake Lively! Looks like she'll just have to lobby for a part in the Gossip Girl movie, when that happens in 2-3 years. [NDNY]
  • Gisele Bundchen went topless for a new Versace ad — well, topless except for the denim jacket covering her boobs. [OMG]
  • Cee Lo Green reportedly spent $10,000 at an Indianapolis strip club, something that doesn't seem all that sad until you replace "Cee Lo Green" with "A Midwestern businessman trying to forget about his failing marriage." [TMZ]
  • Alec Baldwin continued pop culture's running joke that Tim Tebow's apparent piety is over-the-top by mocking him at openly during "NFL Honors" on NBC last night. [NDNY]
  • A woman named Teresa Hunt was arrested in an FBI sting after trying to extort the Duggar family and Discovery Communications, parent company of TLC, for $10,000, claiming she had compromising photos of Amy Duggar, first cousin to the family. So the real question here is — how many cousins do these people have? [Radar]
  • In eerily appropriate news, Zalman King, producer of such sexy-time movies as The Red Shoe Diaries and 9 ½ Weeks, died at 69. [NY Mag]
  • Uggie the dog — which distinction seems a little unnecessary, but here we are — has had to bow-wow out of acting because he's suffering from a mysterious neurological illness. Says trainer Omar Von Miller, "It's very sad but he is suffering from a mystery shaking syndrome. It is a neurological disorder and we've spent thousands on vets' bills trying to figure out what is causing it but the experts don't really know." Look, I know, it's sad, but...thousands? Maybe Uggie should share some of his apparently sweet health insurance with needy child and not keep it all to himself. Then again, Uggie's delightful theatrics probably go farther to healing the sick than any amount of medicine. [Daily Mail]