Pouty Man Sues Ex for Writing Mean Things About Him on the Internet

An attorney from New Jersey has sued two of his ex-girlfriends after both of them posted unflattering things about him on a website called LiarsCheatersRUs. The man says the vitriolic postings are ruining his career, the women won't back down, and the site can't even be bothered to fully spell out the word "are" in its url. Everyone involved in this should be at least a little bit embarrassed for themselves.

Matt Couloute's internet problem began many moons ago, when he broke up with a girlfriend of three years and then, days later, married someone else. The jilted woman did what any modern enraged person would do when they want to feel effective without actually doing anything— she took to the internet to complain.

She wrote a post about Couloute that reads,

Lives in Jacksonville, FL/NY/NJ with his new "wife" that he married in City Hall just days after breaking up with his girlfriend of 2+ years. Cheated on ALL of ex-girlfriends. Lied and cheated his entire way through his 40 years of life. Uses people/his son/women to get what he wants then dumps you when he's done with them. Has no long term friends. He rents or finances everything and owns absolutely nothing.

The mother of Couloute's child, a San Francisco-area roller derby enthusiast named Stacey Blitsch, is also named in the lawsuit. Although she claims that she didn't write anything on the internet about Couloute, she says that she's tired of his cheaterly ways and wants people to know "the truth" about him. Do not fuck with roller derby enthusiasts.

Because the two romantic complaint posts are now the first results that pop up when googling his name, Couloute claims that they've damaged him professionally and prevented him from getting a home loan. He said,

The point is you should not be able to anonymously defame people on a Web site set up in Panama — outside the laws of the United States — and get away with it. [...] I can sign on to the site and post your name and write anything I want about you.

Welcome to the internet, dude.

The women aren't taking this lying down, though, and have hired a celebuttorney to defend their right to kvetch about their ex on the web. Gloria Allred to the rescue! (Note: Gloria Allred to the Rescue! is my latest idea for a smash hit Saturday morning cartoon about Gloria Allred solving mysteries and fighting pollution, so if anyone pitches it to a network before I do, there will be hell to pay.) Allred says the women should be allowed to write whatever they want on the internet, because of feminism. Because everything with Gloria Allred is because of femini$m.

Interestingly/strangely/ironically (in a "10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife" kind of way), Couloute's push to Google cleanse himself will actually result in a new internet problem— now, everyone who Googles him will find out about how he sued two ex girlfriends for writing mean things about him. Out of the frying pan and into the blogosphere?

Joking aside, if he wins, this could change the nature of internet complaining forever, which is sobering when you consider that one man's hurt feelings could endanger the future of Chuck Norris Facts-style hyperbole in addition to borderline slanderous name calling. Hell hath no fury like a lawyer scorned.

Taking liberties: a lawsuit worthy of a Google search [Fox]