Newt Gingrich Wants to Build a Second America on the Moon


Hey, everybody, have you heard the good news? If Newt Gingrich is elected president, we can all go live on the moon! Cool…wait, what? Yep, here's what the man said earlier today:

By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.

If that sounds far-fetched, it's because it is—for all kinds of reasons, chief among them is how the hell we're going to pay for it. He has some vague plan having to do with public-private partnership, which seems tenuous at best. But he's not going to be stopped by something as dumb as responsible spending. (Something so dumb his party has made it one of the central tenets of their platform.)

He also has a plan to send a man to Mars, and he thinks we should build launch areas that could send up multiple spacecraft in a day. Hmm, maybe we ought to work on making the airports, roads, and bridges right here on Earth more functional before we set off for Mars. Just a thought.

Obviously, the logical thing is to dismiss this proposal out of hand as the ravings of a man so crazed with the thought of power that he is willing to say or do anything to win. (And it's worth remembering that he said these things in Florida, which is filthy space lovers.) But, according to Newt, this "innovative" plan just means he's a forward thinker:

Does that mean I'm visionary? You betcha.

Oh, God. Powerful Sarah Palin flashback. Make it stop! But, seriously, if you really think about it, he is a kind of visionary because if he does become president, this country will become so unlivable that people will probably be trying to flee to the moon the minute he's declared the winner. Not to mention what the Republican energy and climate change policies will do to the planet. If we even make it through two terms of Gingrich rule, we'll probably have to go to the moon because Earth will be but a crispy hunk of planet that looks like it was left in the toaster too long. So, I guess, kudos to Newt for thinking ahead. To infinity… and beyond!

Newt pledges moon base by second term [Politico]