Welcome back to Midweek Madness! Every Wednesday, we rummage through the dumpsters of In Touch, Us, Ok!, Life & Style, and Star, in search of good gossip. This week, Katy Perry's cocaine cowboy homies busted up her marriage; "newly single" Johnny Depp bought a "bachelor pad" with 13 bedrooms; and Angelina's unborn child is sucking up her lifeblood.
Apparently Teen Mom's Leah Messer has suffered a miscarriage. Her fiancé Jeremy Calvert says, 'It's hard, but we will get through it." She is very emotional, has been crying a lot and so on. They will still get married, and eventually try again. Let's move on. Jennifer Aniston is going to give Justin Theroux a "second chance" even though he is moody, controlling and uncommunicative. Of course, that's not his fault, it's Jen's, because, as the sidebar explains, she always picks the wrong guys. (See Fig. 1) Last, but not least, celebs love Esprit's patterned blanket coat, which the mag calls a "Navajo" coat, even though it is not made by Navajo people in the Navajo nation. (See Fig. 2)
Grade: F (maggot-infested meat)
Life & Style
"Brad's Fears For Shiloh."
This story should be called, "Once Again We Are Going To Make A Big Deal Out Of A Little Girl's Haircut." Shiloh's hair is super short again — much like Michelle Williams, or Carey Mulligan, or Mia Farrow — and psychologists have been asked to weigh in! One says, "This is a culture where kids get picked on if they don't look like other kids. Shiloh's already different — being the daughter of superstars — and she may already feel ostracized because of that." An insider offers: "Shiloh definitely suffers from middle-child syndrome. Everything she does is to get attention because she craves being the center of it all." But! Also! She might want to be a boy! See, Shiloh keeps changing her name — from John to Ben to Gregory to Shax (which she chose because all her brothers' names end in the letter X — and she only does "boy" activities like gymnastics (?!?!) and rock-climbing (?!?!), which ladies shouldn't do since there are no fainting couches involved. Brad's "fear" is not that Shiloh might identify as a boy but that she'll get picked on. Like, maybe by tabloids. Also inside: Ryan Gosling has said goodbye to Eva Mendes while he films a movie in Thailand for five months. Hey Girl, never leave your Baby Goose unattended! Kris Humphries' new "lair" is a man cave that will be featured on a show called Man Caves on the DIY network, and we suspect that channel's demographic will not give a shit. (See Fig. 3) Next, "newly single" Johnny Depp has purchased an $11 million bachelor pad in Norfolk, England, and it has 13 bedrooms, perfect for a single father of two. Lastly, Cameron Diaz changed her look — got implants and a haircut — because she's about to turn 40, Timberlake proposed to Biel, and her "self-esteem is in a bad place." Meh, doubt it.
Grade: D+ (mattress rife with bed bugs)