Disney Will Be Taking Your Babies Now, Thank You

The Walt Disney Company, those white-glove-wearing cartoon animals who want to brand everything you touch or consume, is making a distinct push to become America's premiere baby outfitter, moving their brand's first impression on humans closer and closer to the moment of conception. Soon, we'll all be artificially inseminating ourselves with sound effect-making Donald Duck shaped turkey basters.

The New York Times reports that today is the first day of DisneyBaby.com, a website sponsored by Huggies diapers that provides parents with opportunities to network with each other and get a glimpse of all the new onesies Disney has to offer. Says the Times,

It's Disney's way of latching onto the "social commerce" bandwagon - sites that include user contributions (in this case, tips for new mothers from new mothers) that can lead to selling merchandise. DisneyBaby.com is organized around different times of the day - dressing, eating, bath time - and the heart of the site (aside from the products, of course) is something called Magical Moments, an area where parents can upload baby pictures and share stories.

Associating precious memories with buying crap is the marketing trope that keeps Christmas so treasured and spendy, so why not apply it to babies as well? Although, if the babies are going to be truly Disney, they should probably be at least a little bit racist.

And, while we're on the Disney for the Very Small kick, what's next? They've already tried to get a foothold in the bridalwear market, the high end jewelry market, the rap hipster market, the cruise ship market, and the planned housing community market. Has Disney finally saturated the entire country, or are there stones unturned? Do they make specially branded canes for people who have aged and may need help getting around? Disney coffins, for the dead? And why stick to things that are used outside of the body. Ovaries are sort of shaped like Mickey Mouse ears. Is there any way to run with this? Where are the Cinderella glass slipper tampons of my dreams? Disney and the down there area are natural marketing partners; the human vagina is already what some might call The Happiest Place on Earth.

Disney embraces 'social commerce' in pursuit of baby business [NYT]