The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Now that we've had some time to reflect on last night's red carpet, we're ready to declare what was good, what was bad, and what was oh-so-ugly.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Claire Danes black and white J. Mendel gown was sleek perfection, Nicole Richie wore heavy metal from Julian Macdonald, and then Sarah Michelle Gellar showed up. She said her two-year-old picked out the dress, and the story was sweet so we can't hate too much — but we will say that the backstory does help explain why the actress was wearing this particular Monique Lhullier frock.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Freida Pinto was simultaneously being strangled by and swimming in her Prada — too tight on top, too big everywhere else. Sofia Vergara is, per usual, a total bombshell — mermaid style — in her peacock (or navy?) swirls from Vera Wang. Slightly less mermaid-y but still lovely is Descendants star Shailene Woodley in Marchesa.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Charlize Theron looks lovely in Dior; the blush shade looks lovely on her and love the sparkly headband. Giuliana Rancic also opted for a neutral gown, this one from Basil Soda (nb: this was her second gown of the evening; she wore a busy number from Monique Collignon for the pre-show). Say what you will about Giuliana the E! host — and you can say plenty — but Giuliana the person has had a shit year, capped off with a double mastectomy in mid-December, and look at her now. Bravo. Meanwhile, Viola Davis' asymmetrical Pucci is sexy as hell.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

I still don't totally get the (inevitably temporary) union of George Clooney and Stacy Keibler, but she does look gorgeous in a red Valentino column. And then there's that giant-ass bow bringing some, uh, levity to things. Emily Watson's beige number is ill-fitting, too casual, and just generally meh.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Thank god you're here, Angie. Your look was so simple and yet so beyond stunning — the Atelier Versace gown, the chignon, the bold lip, the earrings…yes. Not crazy about the color of Melissa McCarthy's Badgley Mischka dress — deep green is always pretty, but this is a little too forest and not enough emerald. That aside, the overall effect is good. Bonus points for the embellished neckline. Salma Hayek, per usual, delivers, this time in a snug number from Gucci. Pretty sure her tits were suffocating, but hey.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Oh, hi, Kyle Richards. So glad you could make it (and amazed that you were invited, but then again, this ain't the Oscars). The gown is Oday Shakar, the choker is 1993. Maria Menounos is very BRIGHTBRIGHTBRIGHT in Blumarine, but it looks lovely on her. Just…bright. Morena Baccarin wore Georges Chakra, and I wish she hadn't.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Michelle Williams is just lovely, isn't she? This Jason Wu gown looked amazing — the picture and the pose doesn't do her justice, nor does the headband. Headbands are okay and all, but not when they're overly thick — Michelle's delicate pixie cut demands a more delicate touch. Meanwhile: Tilda Swinton will save us all in Haider Ackermann. Gorgeous — the look manages to be both all business and very glamorous. Octavia Spencer — who won a best supporting actress Globe for The Help — wore a Tadashi Shoji gown in a flattering silhouette. Alas, it recalled easter eggs and those chalky candies that they used to hand out to all the kids at church if they managed to sit still through an entire service. Ruching is best saved for deeper tones; here, it looks kind of cheap.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Busy Phillips breaks the hearts of fashion-minded Freaks & Geeks fans in an assymetrical Temperley London number. We're big supporters of formal muumuus, but this doesn't work, largely because of the fringe. But fear not, because Evan Rachel Wood is here in a Gucci palate cleanser. Sparkles and sequins and feathers on a single dress could be a bit much, but this design keeps it all looking very sleek. Natalie Portman sports Lanvin, which is classically pretty but nothing to write home about.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Mila Kunis' floaty Dior is stunning in black. Reese Witherspoon's looking a little Baywatch-y here — like a lot of folks last night, she seems to have dabbled in the dark art of spray tanning, which somehow cheapens her Zac Posen gown, which is very, very tight. Thing is, none of it looks bad. It just doesn't look like Reese. Meanwhile, Kate Winslet's contrast dress from Jenny Packham is classy and plays it safe — which makes sense. If you're going to blow your fashion wad, don't do it at the Globes.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Jessica Biel is a vision in Elie Saab (of course, Us Weekly sees this is a "bridal look"). Heidi Klum is minimalist in Calvin Klein — the turquoise keeps the whole ensemble from veering into blah territory. Emma Stone works it in Lanvin, but her real power lies in that crazy eagle belt.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Maya Rudolph's croco-print David Meister Signature is simple and body-skimming, but it's the hot pink lipstick that steers her away from Dullsville and into Glamland. Yellow is a tough hue to pull off, but Paula Patton, happiest lady on earth, succeeds, and makes us think of sunshine, lemons and smiley-faces in a cadmium yellow Monique Lhuillier gown. Tina Fey's Oscar de la Renta dress goes perfectly with her personality: Frothy and bright!

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

High necklines seldom do a lady any favors, but Julianna Margulies is statuesque and classy in Naeem Khan. Jessica Alba's Gucci gown is dreamy and demure, but also grown-up and glam. Sarah Hyland's vintage Dolce and Gabbana dress is ridiculously pretty, and would make a really cool wedding dress.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Jodie Foster's Giorgio Armani dress is fantastic, too bad her chunky black shoe — peeking out at the hem — is jarring. The chain mail-esque bodice (and cap sleeves) on Madonna's Reem Acra gown are great, but the green quilted mishmash going on around the frankly huge skirt is confusing" Is it awesome? Awful? And is that color kind of weird? (Keep in mind that it's more green under certain lights). However: There is no question that the Vivienne Westwood basque/torsolette/corset gown Andrea Riseborough is rocking is amazing. Helen Mirren's navy Badgley Mischka is such a perfect balance of streamlined and flouncy, sparkly and sleek; revealing and covered-up. Long live the dame!

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Amy Poehler — champagne-colored Naeem Khan — looks classic, elegant and fun, like the screwball comedy goddess that she is. The high neckline works here for some reason. Will Arnett's gray tux is great. Ariel Winter's vivid Dolce & Gabbana frock is a welcome pop of color — and also, the perfect length for a 13-year-old. Amanda Peet completely washed out in a '70s wedding dress. It's actually Marc Jacobs, but painfully unflattering.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Andie MacDowell, in a shimmering silver David Meister gown, is channeling both Veronica Lake and Victoria Grayson. Beautiful! Emily Deschanel's decidedly ugly dress is even more hideous when you realize an entire sleeve is missing. That thing is an abomination. Laura Dern gives a lesson in wearing sleeves: Try two! This Andrew Gn dress — modest, but with a plunging neckline — is glamorous and sophisticated without being constricted. She looks comfortable! And like she lives in a chic penthouse loft in Emerald City.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Kelly Osbourne paired a Zac Posen gown with silvery hair. Yes, she's grown up in L.A., but is she a British eccentric in the making? Will she start wearing a crystal eyepatch, or carrying a cigarette holder, or pin a lobster on her head as a hat? Let's hope so. Zooey Deschanel's Prada dress is pretty, then ugly, then pretty again, if you keep staring. Tuxedo manicure, just in case you forgot for a nanosecond that she is quirky.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Debra Messing's Monique Lhuillier gown is safe, but pretty. Pretty boring? Julie Bowen's vintage Reem Acra is super romantic and girlish, and with the hair and the clutch, she's giving Grace Kelly realness. The hue is possibly a wee bit too close to her skin tone, giving an overall washed-out effect, but just barely. Laura Linney's J. Mendel is chic, but maybe just a little stiff?

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Ewan McGregor's skinny pants are perfection, and Eve Mavrakis picked a vintagey ensemble that's suits her very well. Ricky Gervais' wine-colored tux stands out — as does the fact that he skipped the tie. Jane Fallon looks appropriate. And patient. Matt LeBlanc's blue tux looks great now, but will we be laughing at it in 30 years, the way we chuckle at powder blue tuxes from the '70s?

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Leonardo DiCaprio, Jeremy Irons, Ryan Kwanten: Dashing, dapper, delicious.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Chris Colfer's hair is awesome, but his pants look kind of wrinkly. Gerard Butler started drinking early, apparently. Jonah Hill is the image you see in the dictionary under "uncomfortable."

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Lea Michele's liquid Marchesa gown is divine, but since she seems to be so damn delighted with herself, we should just move on. Jane Lynch's David Meister Signature.gown might not be flashy, but you get the feeling she's relaxed and being herself. There is no doubt that Kristen Wiig's Bill Blass dress is cool and easy, but again: These almost-but-not-quite-skin-tone colors end up looking meh under the lights and flashes on the carpet. She's washed out and easily overlooked.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Diane Lane's old Hollywood glam Reem Acra gown is sublime; she's summoning Rita Hayworth and Hedy Lamarr. Piper Perabo (in Theyskens Theory) needs to calm the fuck down. Sheer greige is nothing to get excited about. Sharon Osbourne's Naeem Khan floral looks like drapes. Or a chintz chair.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

More non-color color on Kate Beckinsdale (in Roberto Cavalli). She looks beautiful, but isn't the vibrant, eye-catching aquamarine shade Jenna Dewan-Tatum is rocking so much more fun? That's a Maria Lucia Hohan gown, and it's awesome. Jessica Lange's unadorned backless black is okay, but it's a good thing she's blonde. A dark-haired lady in this get-up would get called Morticia Addams, or Elvira.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Idris Elba's shoes are so punk rock. LOVE. Badass. Madeleine Stowe in iris Vera Wang? Flawless. Flaw. Less. Meltem Cumbul, take notes, darling. Color is your friend.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Bill Nighy is a class act; Elizabeth McGovern's two-tone black and blue dress is just… there; Kathleen Robertson's white gown is goddess-worthy.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Strapless might be rote and expected, but Amber Riley — in Badgley Mischka — looks faaaaaabulous. The Badgley Mischka folks did right by her, too bad they couldn't do the same for Melissa McCarthy. That's a Giles design on Dianna Agron, and if you can get up close you'll see those are laser-cut swans along the bodice. Gorgeous! Meryl Streep's Alessandra Rich dress is restrained and dull, but since she's a BAMF, we won't quibble.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

The strapless fit-and-flare Eva Amurri picked is what the award show uniform looks like when it's uninspired. Mika Newton's ivory number is giving her the old wash-out. Rooney Mara's Nina Ricci gown has its fans but there's something… awkward and unbalanced happening, like the upstairs and the downstairs aren't from the same designer.

The Good, Bad & Hideously Ugly of the 2012 Golden Globes Red Carpet

Julianne Moore's black strapless gown by Chanel is safe and classic, though the extra fabric around the hips is a poor design element. Mary J. Blige — in champagne-hued Michael Kors — highlights her curves, shows off her shoulders. Dig the feathers. The neckline of Naya Rivera's silvery gray Vera Wang is criminal. She's being throttled.