If Snooki stops drinking then this show will be whittled down to boring Sam and Ron drama, the Situation's borderline date rapes, and Vinny crying about missing his mommy. Basically, without Snooki's drunken face plants and panty flashes this show would be insufferable, and her boyfriend Jionni — in his attempts to be a healthy, stabilizing force in her life — is threatening to destroy everything we love about Jersey Show. Sure, it would probably be better for Snooki, the real-life person with a soul, to sober up and stop embarrassing herself, her family, and her man, but it would be terrible for ratings, and even worse for our own entertainment. (Yes, we're selfish — what of it?) Fortunately for us, it doesn't seem like Snooki will be prioritizing Jionni's needs in the near future — or at least not in the upcoming episode, as the preview suggests that Snooki and Deena go on a major bender in the middle of the day, the kind in which strangers have to help wobble-kneed Snooki stay on her own two feet.
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