The Elaborate Ad Campaign Telling Men to Beware of Marriage

Winston Wu, founder of a "global dating" site Happier Abroad, knows why the caged male bird sings: He wants to meet exotic, silk-feathered ladybirds, probably from the Orient.

In an article on YourTango that might just be part of a guerrilla marketing campaign for his website for men to find foreign women, Wu claims that marriage is one of society's many clever snares meant only to trap unwitting men in the life-sucking vortex that is monogamy. "Society," he writes, "says you are incomplete until you are married. It is a part of our social programming." Well, that kind of makes sense seeing as how the weddings are a 40 billion industry and TLC is only a vowel and a serviceable Scrabble piece away from being "The Learning About Weddings Channel." A lot of people certainly feel pressured to get married and a lifetime of monogamy isn't for everyone, especially now that the modern world is obviating the original purpose for marriage, i.e. exchanging women between different clans of primitive people as precious "gifts" so that, according to French anthropologist Claud Lévi-Strauss, they'd be less likely to fight each other with pointy sticks. So, Mr. Wu, an excellent point, although I'm not quite sure that only men should be wary of marriage since they after all, like, invented it, but credit where credit is due for arousing our collective skepticism. Tell me, rhetorically, if you please: Are there at least 10 specious reasons why someone shouldn't get married?

You bet! Many good ones. There are many disadvantages, risks and opportunity costs that come with marriage. But society will never tell you about them, because society is not there to give you truth or freedom. It is there to CONTROL you and make you a conformist. But I am not. I am here to tell you the truth and give you the other side to consider.

Oh boy, exclamation points and CAPITAL LETTERS! Despite his assurance that he is here, dear (male) reader, to navigate the quagmire of matrimony for you, Wu fails to deliver on the promise of his exciting punctuation. Whether society is trying to subtly control me is a question I'd rather have answered by the Matrix, since all Wu offers is a overlapping list of ways that wives inevitably disappoint their husbands by being always the same person forever, not exotic, sexual assassins, and devourers of opposite-sex friendships. Considering the logical contortions that he makes throughout his overlong, angst-ridden malediction of marriage, it'd be pretty pointless to wrestle with each of Wu's fallacies, so instead we've compiled a highlight reel of Wu's most incisive points because conventional paragraph organization is, like, society's way of making you think a certain way, but we want you to think for yourselves.

1. You might regret it — What if your spouse becomes a monster?
Or a scorpion? Scorpions are real, monsters, Mr. Wu, are not.

2. It will kill your sex life — After a few months, the sex will no longer be interesting. It will become a routine. And the longer the marriage goes, the less sex the couple will have. After a number of years, it will eventually be reduced to little or nothing. In fact, it is not uncommon for long-time married couples to only have sex once a year, or never even!

3. You can never experience romantic or sexual variety again without breaking your vows — Remember that fantasy you've always had about being in a foreign exotic country and having a beautiful woman smile at you and wink? Well if that happens, you won't be able to follow up on it, at least not without being unfaithful.
Fellas, remember when you used to pretend that you were James Bond and then realized that he's a fictional character and that casual, international flings with double-agent supermodels don't happen to anyone ever?

4. You can never make any new friends of the opposite sex again, without your spouse becoming suspicious or jealous — Your wife will not let you see your new female buddy alone, but will require you to meet with her as a "couple", if at all.

5. Marriage does not necessarily make you happier — It just keeps you looking normal to society and to your peers.
Like how Patrick Bateman's nice suits and money make him seem like a harmless Wall Street stiff and not a maniacal killer.

6. Divorce rates are high and rising — Divorce is expensive, complicated and messy. I don't have to tell you that. Many men lose half their property and assets, or all of it. It ruins lives.
Similarly, we should all stop sleeping because the potential for night terrors is, like, quadrupled when we sleep.

7. A man could lose his property in a divorce — A divorced man who has lost a lot is not going to be desirable to women.
Especially if he's lost his sense of humor.

8. Marriage is artificial and unnatural — Furthermore, it is reckless to swear an oath to love one person for love. You can't keep that promise any more than you can swear to only eat fried rice for life.

9. Marriage takes away your freedom and liberty — Furthermore, your wife will expect you to keep a stable job to provide money and security for her and any children you may have together. Unless you really love your job, it is basically slavery in a private dictatorship.

Wives = oppressive dictators

10. Marriage was created by society and women, NOT men — This is why society treats you like a product on an assembly line in a cookie cutter factory, and assumes that you are the same as everyone else.
Except that marriage was sort of definitely created by men, so...burn?

After exhausting his typing fingers with a litany of ways that marriage is the terrestrial equivalent of a neutron star collapsing in on itself and destroying a bachelor's vibrant world of casual flings with exotic women, Wu insists one more time that he is merely pulling the wool away from the eyes of all those men who blindly believe that marriage is a good thing.

Now, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married or that you should. Obviously, some people are happily married, and some are unhappily married. Marriage is not for everyone. But there are many logical reasons against marriage, such as the ones above, which society never tells you about, that should be considered first before entering into such a serious commitment and contract.

In fact, there are so many logical reasons as to why marriage is awful that Wu doesn't think it'd be fair to use any of them. After reading this, you might be tempted to punch your keyboard in frustration (don't — keyboards are very fragile and break for like no reason), but, as a man, what I take from Wu's article is that instead of forging a partnership that has the capacity to sound the depths of human intimacy, that could let me learn about another human being in the most unique, non-biological tethered way possible, I should be jetting off to Thailand in search of an exotic woman who may or not not speak the same language as me. Meh, I don't know, that just sounds like a hassle.

10 Reasons Men Should Avoid Marriage [YourTango]