Minnesota Gays Formally Apologize For Ruining Cheating Conservative's Marriage

Scandal-ridden anti-gay Minnesota politician Amy Koch has had a rough few days. First, news of her extramarital affair with her married staffer broke. Then, she was forced to resign from her position as state Senate Majority Leader. Now, it seems that the gays of the land of 10,000 lakes have seen the error of their marriage ruining ways, and one of them has written an apology letter so cold, it will you give your nipples frostbite.

Koch's genital missteps have raised the irony flag of the gay and lesbian community of Minnesota because her recent political career has been characterized by her fervent defense of the "traditional" definition of marriage involving penis/vagina sex rather than icky othersex. You know, like the kind Mark Sanford and John Ensign had. Over the past year she's campaigned to get a state constitutional amendment added to the 2012 ballot that would define marriage as between one man and one woman, which is enough to anger advocates of equality on its own. Throw in the fact that one of her allies in her fight to save marriage was Michael Brodkorb, the married man with whom Koch was illicitly knocking boots, and you've got yourself a righteous gay anger blizzard sweeping across the plains.

John Medeiros of Minneapolis took Koch's marital transgressions to heart. He's gay, you see, and thus responsible for the breakup of Koch's sacred union, just like she warned people he would. He's really sorry.

The letter, in its entirety:

An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community's successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an "illicit affair" with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that "gay marriage" is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone's family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN

I believe nothing more needs to be said besides, "Oh, snap."

Gay community apologizes to Amy Koch for ruining her marriage [CityPages Minneapolis]