You know how President Obama's secret Muslim agenda has forced Christians to hide their beliefs, lest they be targeted for extra screening at airports and taunted for wearing their cross necklaces while grocery shopping? Well, Rick Perry is through with cowering in fear! In this new campaign, Perry declares, "I'm not ashamed to admit I'm a Christian," and goes on to condemn gay soldiers for stealing Christmas, or something. We lost our Obama-issued tactical manual from when we were drafted into a war on religious freedom.

But seriously, as our own Luke Malone notes, it's like he's created his own SNL parody — which only bolsters our previous theory that Perry's known for some time that his campaign is over, and is now just angling for a gig on SNL.

Earlier: Rick Perry Manages To Make Two Gaffes In One Sentence