TLC insists that it totally isn't mocking the folks featured on its upcoming special Virgin Diaries. The trailer makes that abundantly clear by intercutting shots of a virgin describing her hopelessly idealistic image of her wedding night with scenes of her yelling, "I'm scared," and "Ow, it hurts!" while she and her fiancé play on a seesaw.
As you'll recall, a TLC rep said, "We're not trying to make light of this or treat it in a sort of trivial way. We want to document these peoples' stories and why they make this decision." Let's take a look at a bit of the transcript from the totally respectful and nonjudgemental documentary clip we just watched:
WOMAN: [On seesaw] I'm scared!" [Cut to walking in a field] I think that you should take a shower first, and then I'll take a shower. Then I'll put on my lingerie. Then I'll come into the room.
MAN: And I'll have a surprise waiting for you!
WOMAN: But I'll have a surprise waiting for you and we'll have our robes on and we'll slowly take our robes off and then do foreplay and [woman makes grunting sounds on the seesaw] then have sex! [Back on seesaw] Ow, it hurts!
[Cut to CREEPY DAD, OR POSSIBLY UNCLE chuckling.]
Hopefully whoever edited this got a nice bonus. They really handled this young couple's personal lifestyle choices in a dignified manner and created a clip that definitely won't wind up on The Soup.
Okay, I know it's unlikely, but screw you, TLC. I hope these kids had mind-blowing and not at all awkward sex on their wedding night.