Barbie Ditches Ken For New Girlfriend Ellen DeGeneresS

Barbie has a "Fairy Secret," though it won't come as a surprise to any girl who's noticed that no matter how you contort Barbie and Ken, all of their sexual positions are extremely stiff and awkward. According to the cover of this sticker book, America's Favorite Doll has run off with Ellen DeGeneres. We'd like to celebrate Barbie finally coming out of the closet, but we can't support what these two are doing to Ellen's lovely wife Portia.