In Tough Economic Times, Americans Turn To Anti-Semitism

The recession is making absolutely everything awful. Adults are being driven back into their mother's basements and Americans are pumping themselves full of Home Depot silicone to get the fuller asses they require. Now the Anti-Defamation League reports that 15% of the country is still deeply anti-Semitic, and that number is growing.

In a telephone survey of 1,754 adults conducted last month,

  • 19% answered "probably true" to the statement "Jews have too much control/influence on Wall Street," a five percentage point increase since 2009.
  • 14% agreed with the statement that "Jews have too much power in the U.S. today," an increase from 13% in 2009.
  • 15% agreed Jews are "more willing to use shady practices."
  • 16% agreed that Jewish "business people are so shrewd, others don't have a chance."

Good luck fixing the economy guys, but we're out. If you need us we'll be wandering through the woods in a distant land, looking for shiny things we can trade for food.

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