Great timing! Kris Jenner had already scheduled a bunch of TV appearances to promote her book, And All Things Kardashian, when news of her daughter's divorce filing broke. KJ was supposed to talk about her literary efforts on Today this morning, but first she had to tackle a bunch of questions about Kim, the wedding, the divorce, and the loads of cash involved. Kris had some answers handy, but I am of the opinion that she uttered a few mistruths and fibs. For instance: "I had no idea there was a problem at the time." Meaning she didn't know that Kim and Kris Humprhies had issues when they got married. Bullshit. Anyone who watched the four-hour wedding special could tell that Kim and KH were not head over heels in love. At some point Kim declared of her fiancé, "We hate each other." Kim and KH bickered constantly, and Humphries grew a gross mustache to "send a message" to the world that he was being steamrolled and ignored.

It's Pretty Obvious Kris Jenner Lied On TV This Morning

Do you recall what Kris looked like before the ceremony? A man doomed. Zero indication that it was a joyous occasion. Only signs of the gut-churning dread.

Kris Jenner also claims that the rumor that Kim profited from the wedding is "absolutely false." Really? How can that possibly be true? She is being compensated to appear on a TV show, the wedding became a special event and Kim received all kinds of gifts and freebies, from the bachelorette party to the bridal shower to the wedding itself. "They made some money for the pictures," Kris said, "but at the end of the day that money went towards the wedding, and Kim had to pay a great deal of money — the balance that was owed for the wedding." Even if that is true — which seems doubtful — wouldn't Kim immediately earn back any money she spent, since the wedding promoted her "brand"? Between her fragrances, the store and the clothing line?

Also: Ann Curry asked, "In the interest of full disclosure, about how much money did she make for the photographs?" Kris Jenner replied, "Um, I don't know what the end result was… But it was less than a million dollars. And probably more than a half a million dollars." Except she does know how much, because she is Kim's manager, and it is her JOB to know these things. Not only does she know the exact amount, she sat there with an old-timey calculator, punching at it while wearing a visor. Let's be real.

Here's something we do believe: Kris says she has "no regrets." If the spotlight has torn a fauxmance apart, so be it! The brand is still strong, right? When it comes to the ring, Kris says, "It was not $2 million. I was less than half of that." Okay, maybe Kris Humprhies didn't pay $2 million for the 20-carat rock. But it was valued at $2 million. If he paid less than half of that, it's because jeweler Lorraine Schwartz is friends with the Kardashian family. They host events together.

When asked who gets the ring, Kris said, "It's none of my business." Except it is, quite literally, her business. As a manager and as a mom. The lady is trying to smooth things over, and her PR spin is certainly professional, but it's clear that she is trying to protect her daughter/client. After all, Kris Jenner is basically a pimp; her livelihood depends on the K sisters' success. She won't let a few facts get in the way of that.