The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Minimalist fashion was in fine form yesterday at the launch of the new perfume, Burberry Body. Almost everyone came looking chic and classy. There were some exceptions, of course, but surprisingly Solange Knowles was not one of them.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Before we get to the good stuff, I'm going to be a downer for a hot minute. Kate Bosworth gets praised a lot for her style, but I just don't see it. To me, she always looks so safe and predictable and on-trend (I shudder at that horrible word.) Her hair and makeup are always exactly the same. When she tries to look edgy (another horrible fashion buzz word,) it feels calculated, and leaves me cold. I want clothing that emerges from the hot loins of creativity and passion! Anyway, the dress is all right, although it seems like a weak, distilled, and possibly confused homage to "African tribal prints." (Will this awful "tribal trend" ever go away?) I do like that this dress gives the illusion of being a wrap dress, especially with the tie detail at the bust.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Yesterday, I noted that Amber Heard has been showing up everywhere looking like a bombshell, but so has Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. I think she might be one of those people who can't help but give sexy-face. Like her natural resting face is pouty lips, sucked-in cheeks, and heavy-lidded gazing. I guess I'm having a neutral moment right now, because for whatever reason, I'm really digging these red carpet looks where the celeb is basically all in one color, from her hair to her skin to her dress to her shoes. The dress is super sexy, but the simplicity of the cut and the light accessorizing reminds me of Calvin Klein, 90's minimalism at its best. What do you think, dear readers? Convince me down from my neutral dress love.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Another neutral dress that I FREAKING LOVE. Yeah, Serena Williams is kind of all one color here, but it's a gorgeous color. Again, super simple dress, but the design elements it does have—the very subtle shading and strap at the sides—gives this dress that totally effortless chic feel (sorry, I just used two annoying fashion terms, one right after the other.) My personal tastes tend to be more maximalist than minimalist, but the best part of minimalism is that you can style it in so many ways, and when done well, it can be stunning in that stop-you-in-your-tracks way. Serena Williams nearly achieves it, if it weren't for that hideous, incongruous clutch.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Now we move on from the people looking fabulous in loose, wavy hair and minimalist sheath dresses portion of our program to the people looking fabulous in simple frocks and casual ponytails segment. British actress Felicity Jones' restrained smokey eye, and adorable, swingy, short-sleeved black dress makes me giddy. Love how casual and unfussed her hair looks and the simple gold bracelet.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Alice Eve manages to look prim and sexy and mod and modern all at the same time. Her graphic clutch and the cut of her dress are so good, they're pornographic. Love love love the button and tab detail on her sleeves.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

I'll probably get flack for this, but I'm totally on board with the sheer skirt over a solid mini dress thing. I know, I know. It's so last year. It's totally impractical. It's the dress that doesn't want to decide if it's a mini or a maxi. I get all that. But I don't know—it just looks great on Erin Heatherton. I guess it helps that she's a gorgeous model and has an adorable smile. Which is maybe another valid criticism of this type of dress—maybe it only really works on gorgeous, leggy models.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Well, Solange Knowles and her supporting cast of mismatched prints and colors are here to show minimalism what's up. Except not really. Did Burberry send a memo to its guests, requesting everyone show up in tasteful, monochromatic outfits, and delicate accessories? Even though Solange is rocking some vibrant colors and prints, she still looks positively subdued at this event. Her shoes are hot, and I'm glad she didn't compromise her sensibility too much. If I could just pull that skirt down a little, this would be a great look for Solange—her version of minimalism. As for Lady Victoria Hervey... um, ick? She has an animal draped across her shoulders, and she's wearing weird shiny leggings with an ugly green coat and horrible white shoes. Also, are those shiny black leggings FOOTED leggings? Missed the mark by an ocean.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Well, Rachel Zoe got the "come dressed in one color" memo, but didn't get the "don't come dressed in a hideous shade of teal" memo. Is that coat a Burberry coat? Man, I hope not. It looks so plastic-y and cheap. Cute ladybug ring, though. [It's actually a Cartier panther — Ed.]

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

I really do like where Cat Deeley's homage to a tuxedo was going, but I don't like where it ended up. The black satin ties around the neck look a little sloppy, but it's really the pirate stiletto booties that kill the whole thing.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Julia Jones's dress is cute, but I wish it had been two inches longer, and maybe cut a little more loosely around the neck. There's something a bit awkward about the strong shoulders and the high-but-not-high neckline, especially coupled with a too-short hemline. Here's an example of when wearing the same color dress as your skin tone isn't totally working for me, although I suspect that's mostly due to the styling. The shoes and hair are not a good match.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Had everyone else at this event not brought their A-game, I would have said Jayma Mays is well-dressed for this event. Samesies for Lydia Hearst. Compared to everyone else, she looks a little shambolic. Model Lily Aldridge, on the other hand, is scary hot in that pantsuit.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Oh wow. So monochromatic dressing does not automatically = classy. Hate how her dress looks like two dresses layered over each other. Is it me, or do the hanging beads on her necklace look like the Eiffel Tower? Also: ELFIN STILETTOS, LOL.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

Imogen Poots' name is way more fun than her outfit, but I still think she looks appropriate for an event like this. Also, her skirt needs a pressing. Out of all the attendees, Talulah Riley probably went the most casual. The texture of her sweater is cool, though it would be much sleeker without the unnecessary ruffle. Also, I really like a gal who wears her cross-body shoulder bag across her body.

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

And now we enter the "Why did these people wear such tortured fabrics" portion of the evening. Seriously, why did they? Ashley Madekwe's dress is too wrinkly, too shiny, and too puckery. I still have a major crush on that bag. I prefer the olive on Talulah Riley's bag, but the black is great as well. Emma Greenwell's dress is the weirdly shrunken, ostracized sister of Erin Heatherton's dress. Nothing is sleek, everything is over-ruched, and why does the solid part of her dress end so close to her vagina?

The Style Really Stunk At The Burberry Perfume Launch Party

All right, Jeremiah Brent's pants are too tight at the ankles, Julian Morris' jacket is too shiny, and William Moseley gives good smolder-face, but the gray of his jacket is too light and too tweedy to go with the rest of his outfit. Anyway, never stop smoldering, okay?