Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

Madonna's first directorial effort, W.E. premiered last night in England at the BFI London Film Festival. Apparently the critics tore her movie a new one. I shall be a little gentler in my assessment. Onward to the outfits!

Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

I had a semi-passionate argument with my Queer studies professor in college (oh gosh, could that sentence sound any more cliché?) against the idea of Madonna as a queer icon. I've always kind of loathed the way she so blithely appropriated other cultures and masqueraded it as a transgressive act. (I'm a geisha! Now I'm Indian!) But here, Madge just looks like a woman with very shiny hair and a personal trainer. The dress is flattering on her, but the appliqué snaking across the front and down the side looks a bit cheap and tacked on. Ditto for the fishnet tights. Also, check it out—she's wearing a necklace of her movie title. There is such a thing as suffering from too much confidence, right?

Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

All right, maybe some would consider wearing a pouffy ass ball gown with layers of tulle to a movie premiere to be a touch over the top, but I say, rock that shit, girl. I've never really considered this color combination, but navy and gray look surprisingly gorgeous with beige. The top could be better fitted, the buttons along the side are ugly, it looks like she has static cling, her hair is all kitchen wench-y, and to quote Michael Kors, "she's pooping fabric!" but despite all that, I still find Andrea Riseborough's outfit very appealing.

Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

That's one damn fine brocade dress on Katie McGrath. Gold and black will always look great on a sheath silhouette. Normally, I'm not a fan of matching the shoes to the dress, but I adore the gold detail on her pumps.

Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

Writer Anne Sebba gets my vote for best dressed of the night. She looks like a tall, golden, luxurious drink of water. I have to automatically discount any celebrity who shows up wearing furry stiletto boots. Unless she's Snooki. Then again, I don't know who Claudia Winkleman is and maybe she is the British Snooki. I know not what I am saying... Liberty Ross is wearing all kinds of tortured black fabric on her body. I like the peek of boudoir lace, but everything else looks pretty intense and not in a good way.

Madonna's Red Carpet, Where The Clothes Are Better Than The MovieS

It's hard to tell from the photo, but James D'Arcy is wearing a buttoned up vest with an unbuttoned shirt. He could have pulled it off if his face didn't lack total confidence. Laurence Fox is dressed respectably, and I'm a sucker for a dude in a skinny tie. I like Graham Norton's blue velvet blazer with jeans and a t shirt. I think the unidentified man next to him looks quite sharp in plaid. Get a load of Richard Coyle and the unidentified lady next to him. Hello, crotch hug! It must be hard to pose on the red carpet without horribly wrinkling one's suit. These two look fabulous, crotch hugs and all.