Poor Tessa. Her well-meaning dad (played by Jeremy Sisto, who, yes, is old enough to play a dad) has dragged her West Village-born-and-raised ass to the gleaming suburbs, ostensibly to enjoy the pristine lawn care, excellent schools, and clean air. Not shockingly, Tessa hates it.

Watch as Tessa learns first-hand the particulars of bicycle-based newspaper delivery, outlet mall miniskirt shopping, and the mortifyingly obvious ways of the Suburban Housewife (they are verrrry interested in her dad).

Suburgatory premieres tonight on ABC at 8:30/7:30 C!