So many fashion weeks! Now it's Milan's turn, and things kicked off yesterday with a moody, sparkly presentation for Gucci. Time to channel your inner pissed-off Italian lady who cruises the Mediterranean on her yacht with a scowl on her face and the Charleston in her heart.

The left one and the right one will show up on the red carpet, for sure.

The sparkly, drop-waisted dresses are made for dancing… And for ladies who don't have D-cups. The high-waisted, white, pleated pants are perfect for those days when you think, yes, my ass and thighs really ought to look a whole lot bigger.

This stuff makes being rich look really hard. So many weird patterns! So much frowning!

The first number on the left is perfect for late-night pizza runs.

Two options for your chest: Cover it up with shimmer, or let it all hang out with a plunging neckline. Up to you.

Yes. No. No. A restaurant in 1986 called, and wants its jackets back.

Spring in Italy: Dark.

Op art makes models mad.

More of the same: Geographic, sparkle, "strong" eyes that I read as "pissed that you are alive."

Remember when Tom Ford was at Gucci and Gucci was awesome? I do! Sigh.

Meh.

The Cruella De Vil dress in the center is actually pretty cool, even if I suspect Halston did one similar in the '70s.

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Image via Getty.