Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

Socialites, models, fashion designers, Serena Wiliams, Rupert Murdoch's wife, Mayor Bloomberg's daughter, and the lady who hosted America's Most Smartest Model came out for the New Yorkers for Children Gala. Just one question: New Yorkers for children… to do what?

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

Wendi Murdoch looks stately and elegant here, but just two months ago, she was "catapulting herself over another woman" to save her foul husband from getting pied in the face with shaving cream. I'm loving the side swept hair and leather bow accents around her waist and wrist, but what's up with the pool of fabric by her feet? It looks like a polyester slip for someone ten inches taller. Georgina Bloomberg's gold dress is simple but the Art Deco touches at the bust give it a very old New York feel. Selita Ebanks is all glamourpuss and then BAM! Boob window. Subtle boob window, but a boob window, all the same.

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

Remember when Rachel Roy "wore pajamas" to the red carpet? She's far more done up here (it's for the children!) but I just can't get behind a short-sleeved coat with an inverted Rorschach pattern, and what may very well be open-toed, black bootie sandals with semi-sheer black hose? Serena Williams, on the other hand, looks real fine in her butt-tight purple dress. A skosh too small perhaps, and it's got some unnecessary seam placements on the arm, but I still think it's kind of a kicky outfit to wear to a socialite-heavy event.

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

Ivanka Trump is Nefertiti goddess up top and Jessica McClintock down below. Also, the left side of her butt is wrapped up in a giant, weirdly frayed bow. Thanks for the gift?

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

I'm all for wearing white after Labor Day, and I'm also a sucker for white, grandma lace dresses that hit at an unflattering mid-calf length (I really am!), but I wish Byrdie Bell would have done something more glamorous with her hair. Hilary Rhoda is kind of a yawn and the pageant queen sash is not helping. Ummm, that is some STIFF BONING holding up designer Carly Cushnie's wispy white dress. She saves it from looking too beachy with some bitchin' shoes and even more bitchin' earrings.

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

Hot turquoise satin is not an easy look to pull off, but Veronica Webb does with aplomb. Even more impressive is the massive flower crown right above her head. Stacy London's drapey hot pink dress is so not my bag, and the way she belted it is making me unreasonably angry. Remember when Katie Lee Joel hosted the first season of Top Chef, but then it turned out she was incapable of showing emotion or modulating her voice, and the producers replaced her with Padma? Anyway, the dress is tacky.

Socialite Fashion: Some Hits, Some Misses, Some Serious Boning

I have no idea who Daisy Kanavos, but her dress tells me, "I was found in a mall for a senior prom that happened ten years ago," even though I'm sure the outfit costs more than the mortgage I don't have. Mary Alice Stephenson was apparently the host of America's Most Smartest Model. Highlights of the show include a challenge where the losing models had to "face the camera completely naked." Seems legit. Stephenson's dress is not. Christine Schwarzman's dress is kind of like the dress my high school history teacher, who went to tanning salons every weekend, might have bought if someone gave her $10,000.