Sarah Jessica Parker to Revive Sex & The City on TV; Zombie Show Seeks Brains

Great news, girls I went to high school with who I no longer talk to: the crazy sexy sitcom show you discovered in 2004, just in time for its last season- the one about being a hypersuccessful thirtysomething woman in New York but finding dating challenging that you decided somehow was directly applicable to your being 21 and in Minneapolis and in college- will be returning to TV once more, and not in a censored version on TBS. Even though you enjoyed the slow pans full of rooms full of expensive shit present in the second film based on the series (you remember, the one where we discover, in an M Night Shyamalan-like twist, that Samantha's been a racist this whole time?), it was panned by critics, and that gave series star Sarah Jessica Parker anxiety. She's signed on to revive the show in series TV show form. What crazy tomfoolery will these four extraordinarily rich and well dressed women living the fabulous life in New York City get into next? I guess you're just going to have to watch the show (or watch a bunch of gay men play Barbies nonstop for six years) to find out. [Digital Spy]

  • Jennifer Aniston will be appearing on a series of episodes of Days of our Lives in an attempt to save her father's long-time vehicle from cancellation. One story arc features Aniston as a "frazzled wedding planner" who helps chart the nuptials of two of the series regulars. No one does frazzled like Aniston. Maybe Diane Keaton, but Aniston's frazzled is much more refined. [Express.co.uk]
  • Andrew Garfield will be making his stage debut in a New York production of Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. Next year, Garfield's turn as Spider-man will open with the film The Death of a Franchise. [Digital Spy]
  • Kris Jenner, official pimp of the Kardashian family, reports that her daughter Kim is not nervous about her wedding, which will be broadcast on a 4-hour-long E! special. During the ceremony, Duke Kris Humphries (of the Nantucket Humphries) will marry into the Royal Kardashian family, where he and Queen-elect Kim will be expected to produce a male heir to the throne of America. In the event that an heir is not produced, the evil Lord Disick, who, using wizardry, placed a spell on and impregnated Lady Kortney, will become King and rule the Land with an iron fist. So, you see, this wedding won't just be a complete waste of time. The future of our kingdom is at stake. [Digital Spy]
  • Ryan Gosling has taken to social networking in order to combat the mounting surreal crisis he's feeling. Says he,

    (Hey, girl), You know when you are in a dream, and everyone knows you in your dream, and you always feel like everyone's looking at you, and you're you but you're not? It feels like that all the time. It's just been getting more and more dream-like.

    I've heard that's what it's like to be on mushrooms. [Contact Music]

  • Ben Affleck had to take his daughter Violet to the ladies' bathroom at a CVS the other day and was reportedly embarrassed when he had to enter the loo to bring her some toilet paper. He later told the manager of the CVS that since he's the only man in a house with three women (Affleck and his wife Jennifer Garner have another little girl), it was "only going to get worse as they get older." What? Does Ben Affleck think that women are constantly in a state of needing bathroom assistance? Does he think he's going to have to be on tampon duty? [Contact Music]
  • Rihanna and her fellow castmembers of the upcoming end-of-days harbinger/feature film based on a goddamn board game Battleship underwent military training to prepare for their roles. Rihanna describes it thus,

    We worked with real military people, you know, people in the Navy, people who have fought in Iraq before. They pretty much came and drilled me. This one man, Donald, he.. yelled at me, cursed me…made me do pushups. Everything.

    Yelling? Pushups? Everything? Sounds like RiRi is completely ready for combat; that's exactly what they teach you in basic training. In fact, yelling, pushups, and everything is what Seal Team 6 learned before attacking the Bin Laden compound. My only fear is that now that Rihanna is trained in 50 ways to kill a man, she will become America's sexiest secret weapon in the war against anyone knowing how the military works. [JustJared]

  • Money hungry aspiring Russian pop singer wants more money from hypocritical philandering religious fanatic. [TMZ]
  • Tom Felton has recorded a song that begs to have a video starring Fraggles. [ONTD]
  • Like Presidential nominees in 1920, America's pop stars are chosen by men in a smoke filled room. And on one occasion last year, those cigar chomping dudes decided that Christina Aguilera's newish album Bionic was going to flop! And then it did! And then she was so flustered that she royally screwed up the Star Spangled Banner, setting in motion a series of events that will result in the unveiling of some ancient secret involving the Bible and the Illuminati and the Masons and the secret hazing rituals of the University of Pennsylvania lacrosse team. Dan Brown novels are real! [Examiner]
  • Jay Z and Kanye West released their collaborative album Watch the Throne in digital form last Monday, and on Friday, opened a store in SoHo that will only sell the album. Working on the floor of that store has to be the easiest thing in the world. Do you have that new album by Kanye West and Jay Z? Yes, we do. Do you have (anything besides that)? No, I'm sorry. We don't. [ONTD]
  • Adam Lambert received recognition at the 2011 Los Angeles Equality Awards last night. He and his boyfriend Sauli Koskinen showed up to the ceremony looking like news anchors from The Jetsons named something like Rocket Spacebert and Johnny Galaxy. They have a lot to tell you about Sprockets, except for what, exactly, a Sprocket is and why George can dress in business casual in order to make them. [JustJared]

    Image via AP