TLC's Crazy For Pippa special aired last night, and even though we knew going in that there wouldn't be any actual quotes by Pippa or the royal family, we were still left feeling as though we'd witnessed something really special. Like, say, speculation by Pippa "experts" was about what, exactly, her voice might sound like.

Okay, so we did learn a few things. First, that Pippamania is a Real Thing that inflicts people who are rendered weak by her charms. But that's not all! Pippa's been poised for the spotlight ever since her sister started dating Prince William, and because she willingly smiles for the cameras every time she's caught by the paparazzi, this is a fact.

We also learned that Kate's wedding supposedly included a "very carefully calculated master plan" that would allow Kate to go back to a quiet, simple life and clear the way for Pippa as the main attraction. But what kind of crazy, secretive planning would allow for Pippa to steal the show? ASS PADDING. The Pippa-experts all seemed to agree that Pippa's ass, on a regular day, isn't nearly as impressive as it was on the day of the Royal Wedding. We're not sure if we should be offended for Pippa or just weirded out that these people have been meticulously staring at Pippa's ass for months now.

Earlier:
This Is What Your Pippa Middleton TV Special Will Look Like