Scientists have been examining the terribly under-researched problem of erectile dysfunction, and you'll never guess who's the source of the trouble: women. It's all your fault! Again! And among middle-aged men the issue isn't what their female partner is (or isn't) doing in the bedroom, but how she treats his friends.
Though TV led us to believe that shrewish wives are throwing a fit every time their husbands want to hang out with the guys and watch the game, researchers from Cornell and the University of Chicago say the problem is actually that women are descending into the man cave too frequently. According to a study of 3,000 Americans ages 57 to 85, about a quarter of men have a problem with "partner betweenness," or the feeling that their female partner is closer to one of their friends than they are. Of that group, 92% were more likely to report erectile dysfunction.
The problem is the most pronounced among men ages 57 to 64. University of Chicago sociologist Edward Laumann tells the Chicago Sun-Times, "This is when people are retiring, leaving the work force, reorganizing their life. This is very threatening to a male's understanding of himself." By becoming close with another man, wives threaten their husbands' masculinity by undermining their "feelings of autonomy and privacy."
Of course, it's possible that the man creates his own sexual troubles by neglecting both his wife and best friend, thus driving them closer together. Just kidding! It's definitely the woman's fault for encroaching on guy time. Let that be a lesson to you, ladies: When the game is on, don't get chummy with your man's friends, just stay in the kitchen whipping up snacks. And definitely don't invite any female friends over to help. Other women are always trying to steal your man!