According to a new study that involved all 2,000 attendees at the International Stereotype Convention, men and women both prefer crappy movies, but they prefer different types of crappy movies. Because our preferences are so crappily different, men and women should never watch films together, lest they get cranky or divorced.
American sitcoms and beer commercials were right- women prefer emotional, cute, and romantic movies with singing and hugging and happy endings, whereas men prefer guns, explosions, fucking, and explosive gunfucking.
Twice as many men look for sex in a film as women with four times as many men wanting nudity in their perfect film compared with women. Car chases and action sequences are also far more popular with men than women.
In contrast, women prefer to indulge in a weepie and also enjoy a good song and dance routine – which puts men off entirely. This could explain why almost one in twenty women (4 per cent) admitted that their perfect film is a Bollywood-style musical.
It's a shame no one has tried to combine the preferences of men and women into one Superfilm that everyone loves, like in that David Foster Wallace book with all the endnotes. It could feature naked animals singing and murdering each other during times of war and romance. Or cars crashing into each other with dancing Bollywood actresses on top of them.
All is not lost, though. Men and women both agreed that they hate it when movies require them to follow overly complicated plots, or when films are long (I bet they hated Tree of Life). Good point, everybody. If there's anything in life that sucks, it's thinking and sitting still.
Image via bikeriderlondon/Shutterstockhttp://www.shutterstock.com