Bristol Palin's New Memoir Makes Levi Johnston Sound Like Kind Of A Dick

The events recounted in Bristol Palin's new memoir "Not Afraid Of Life: My Journey So Far" may not be very surprising, depending on who's reading them. For example, if the person reading them is Bristol's mother, Sarah Palin, they may be a bit difficult to get through.

Stories of the first time she had sex allegedly boil down to "she was drunk on wine coolers, didn't remember a thing, and when she woke up Levi had split."

Which is pretty shocking in and of itself, as it may or may not allude to rape.

It's hard to say for certain, but it does seem to lean that way. And then there are the heartwarming stories about being a young mom:

Bristol says she and Levi used condoms, but she got knocked up anyway. Levi's reaction when she broke the news — "Better be a f**king boy."

Bristol says her mom was kinda shocked, because she had no idea Bristol was sexually active.

When the doctors asked Levi — a real wordsmith — to cut the cord, he responded by saying, "gross," and backed off. The honors were left to Sarah.

Bristol goes on to say Levi cheated on her constantly, coming home drunk, with hickeys on his neck. She says she finally ended things when Levi told her he got another girl pregnant and that Levi named the child Bentley, which was her first choice when they were naming Tripp.

The book will be in stores this Tuesday and you can look forward to Levi's version this fall. Or not.

So uh, Michael Lohan was hit by a bus:

"Michael's car was slowly approaching a stoplight near the Director's Guild of America when the bus was attempted to pass him ... and accidentally sideswiped Lohan's car."

But don't worry, folks. Lohan is apparently fine. [TMZ]

In other totally normal news, Micky Ward, the actor portrayed by Mark Wahlberg in The Fighter was hospitalized after being attacked by a dog. [TMZ]

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