The Green Lantern Is A Colossal Waste Of A Perfectly Hot Dude

Ryan Reynolds is hot. In the best possible way: Chiseled of face. Ripped and muscled in physique. In addition to being funny, charming and witty. Hot. Unfortunately, he is currently starring in the steaming piece of crap called Green Lantern. Why would they waste a perfectly hot guy like that?

The Atlantic's Christopher Orr lists Green Lantern's shortcomings. Among them:

… A woefully underdeveloped script; dubious casting (I don't care how many billion galaxies are out there: in none of them is Tim Robbins the father of Peter Sarsgaard); slack, aimless direction by Martin Campbell; and a set of decidedly uneven performances.

Other reviews are similarly scathing, calling the movie "silly," "a deadly disappointment," "superficial," "badly paced, derivative and clunky" and "joyless."

The Green Lantern Is A Colossal Waste Of A Perfectly Hot Dude

But you don't have to sit through the dreck to be able to figure out Green Lantern is terrible. Even if you could get past the ridiculous-looking aliens and incomprehensible trailer, it's impossible to understand why the filmmakers would take a sweet piece of mancandy like Ryan Reynolds and clothe him in a burkini. Ryan deserves better.

Look, it's not just about his body. Seriously. We've loved him for a long time. Since he was Billy on Fifteen. His combination of strength and vulnerability was present in his acting even then. We saw more of it in when he played the adorably panicked player Chris Brander in Just Friends, and his sharp sense of humor is a huge part of his allure. For instance, in his current Entertainment Weekly cover story, "Why I'm Obsessed With Ryan Reynolds By Ryan Reynolds," he writes of his effort to make the world a better place:

In 2006, in an effort to decrease his widening carbon footprint, Reynolds abandoned the use of his car and spent a year bicycling around Los Angeles. L.A. is not well-known as a bicycle-friendly metropolis. His lofty sojourn would soon take a tragic turn when he was run over at Doheny and Sunset. Not by a motorist, but by Ed Begley Jr. on his 12-speed Nishiki, calling Reynolds an ‘idealist' while kicking him with a mile and a half of freshly shaved bone-white leg.

He also discusses his splashy arrival in Hollywood:

"After moving to Los Angeles at the tender age of 19 - armed with only $600 and a rape whistle — he quickly established himself as one of Hollywood's most dynamic and immensely talented waiters."

Ryan has proven he can be hilarious even when put on the spot, just thinking on his feet. In the clip above, he steals the show from both Blake Lively and the interviewer, and concedes that his abs are not better than Ryan Gosling's.

The Green Lantern Is A Colossal Waste Of A Perfectly Hot Dude

Ryan filed for divorce in December of last year, and though he's clearly been busy — he worked on a this Lantern business, ran a marathon, was named People's Sexiest Man Alive — his first movie post-ScarJo should have been a fun romp, showcasing his abilities. Something where he gets to be wry, show off his impeccable comic timing and, yeah, his abs. Sure. Why not. He needs a flick that could act as an antidote to The Proposal. Ryan would be great in a light-hearted Ocean's Eleven-type heist movie, or a quick-paced black comedy. Think Brad Pitt in Burn After Reading or Leo in Catch Me If You Can.

But Ryan in Green Lantern is just a waste. Of his talents, of studio money, of our time. And yeah, of his ludicrously hot body. Seriously, though, Ryan: We just want better for you!

And for us.

'Green Lantern': Revenge of the Lame Superhero Movie [Atlantic]