Last night, the CFDA Fashion Awards honored the year's best designers, which attracted celebrities and socialites, looking to make statements of their own. With everyone trying to aesthetically express themselves, the only real crime of fashion at this event was to be boring.
Fashion icon Iris Apfel, 90, is clearly Best Dressed. She's totally commenting on that little old lady thing in which they wear every piece of jewelry they own whenever they go out. And she rules for that.
Speaking of little old ladies, Mary-Kate (right) pressed the fast forward button on that and is living it in her 20s, which makes her the cooler Olsen. I thought it was cute that they worked the twins angle with the matching-ish handbags.
You know, if I was shopping with Lady Gaga and she held up those shoes and was like, "What do you think?" I'd scrunch my nose and be like, "Don't get those. Seriously, how much use are you actually gonna get out of them." And then she'd buy them and prove me wrong. I've literally seen her wear these shoes no less than six times in the past two weeks alone while she's been doing press for her new album.
Here she is with her sister Natali Germanotta. At some point in the evening the bottom part of her outfit was removed to reveal a spiked thong. Does she own anything that's remotely comfortable?
Somewhere in the past two years, Lady Gaga started being less fashion and more circus sideshow. I think socialite Michelle Harper manages to perfectly combine the two concepts for a look I like to call Chimera Chic.
Ladies who wear the pants: Not-Helen-Hunt, Kristen Dunst, and Marcia Cross. OK, hold the phone for a second. Look at how druggie disco she is! She's basically the embodiment of Quaalude wishes and cocaine dreams. It's like, instead of wearing an AIDS ribbon, she's a walking advertisement reminding us there was once a magical time when we didn't have to wear condoms. She's like pre-AIDS awareness.
When it comes to silky/drape-y, Chanel Iman and Leigh Lezark can't really hold a candle to Kenza Fourati (right).
Lucy Liu, Julie Macklowe, and Behati Prinsloo went for grander ballgowns, with the latter looking a little more like Cinderella before the pumpkin.
I thought Russell Simmons' girlfriend Angela Bellotte (left) did the faux bride thing the best.
But gowns weren't a necessity. Liv Tyler, Guinevere van Seenus, and Erin Featherstone killed it in cocktail dresses.
Unfortunately, these ladies did not. Joy Bryant's dress seems way too short, while Sofia Coppola has on one of those weird mechanical belts that used to come with '80s tennis skirts, and Naomi Watts' tent dress is completely shapeless and, again, I feel like this is look that's better suited to Real Housewives of New Jersey's Kim G.
Rachel Roy's clutch—with the words "touch me" worked into the geometric design—is awesome.
Chloë Sevigny, Anna Wintour, and Jenna Lyons all wore separates.
Let's talk men for a minute: Marc Jacobs' classic tux was flawless, while Brad Goreski's riskier patterned suit was kind of a miss. I understand as a stylist, he needs to keep moving forward, but I miss the days when he dressed like a rich asshole, with his bow ties and varsity sweaters.
Speaking of rich assholes: You guys, Kanye has friends, as evidenced by his bracelets.
If it were someone like Lady Gaga or something, I would assume that the crutches were a fashion choice, but I think that he's actually injured, otherwise he wouldn't be wearing comfortable shoes. As for all the other exposed ankles around, we have menswear designer Thom Brown (directly to the left of the gray caterpillar) to thank for that.
I was surprised to see that Judith Light attended and that she is absolutely stunning. Jessica Alba is cute and pregnant and Kathy Griffin is wearing almost as many bracelets as Iris Apfel.
Get a load of these assholes. Try to ignore her purple hoop earrings and side boob for a few seconds and focus on the fact that she has alternating toenail colors.
I call this section "No." That thing that Emmanuelle Chriqui is dragging around is pointless. Kelly Bensimon looks like poolside Carrie Bradshaw circa 2003. Also, where's the rest of Maggie Rizer's mermaid fin?
I get that Betsey Johnson is "zany" and whatever, but the thing that's always bothered me about her is that she always has Britney Spears-y exposed extensions.
I get that the fashion industry can be really off-putting, what with the skinny bitches, expensive clothes, and abundance of snobs. But what I like about the "real" aspect of the industry—the part that is populated by successful people who were mostly deemed as outcasts and weirdos when they were younger—is that it's actually propelled by creative geniuses like Grace Coddington, who, let's face it, kinda looks like the crazy cat lady from The Simpsons.