When we asked for your awful prom stories, we expected to hear about drunken nights, stolen purses and dress mishaps. We did not expect tales of dead animals, kicking your date in the balls, getting handcuffed by state troopers or having pizza thrown at your face. There were so many cringe-inducing ways the supposed magical night turned into a nightmare,it was tough to narrow the entries down to just ten. But here they are, in all of their traumatizing glory.
The Killjoy Prude With The Waxed Brows, by DeliriumRose
The day of, I had my hair done into an amazing, complicated updo. I went to get my nails done at the usual cheap place I always went to. One of the staff there (NOT my manicurist) talked me into getting my eyebrows waxed. I had never done that before. She let the wax get too hot and it burnt me badly.
Driving home, I was crying hysterically (my face!) and jumped a curb. My tire went flat. These were the days before cell phones. So, I'm walking down the street, sobbing, in my fabulous updo & my upper eyelid swelling to 4x its normal size. Who should happen to drive by? My boyfriend of 6 months and prom date. He pulls over, tries to calm me the hell down, and drives me home so I can finish getting ready.
I slap a shit ton of concealer on top of my burn (doesn't help the swelling of course) & actually go on to have a lot of fun at the dance.
Then the after-party is in full swing, and all of the girls there except for me and my BFF decide to pose for topless pictures. The whole party troops down to the basement and the girls proceed to slide down the tops of their dresses. A couple of guys are snapping pics, and the rest of the guys (including my boyfriend) are basically ogling & whooping it up. I ask my boyfriend to please come back upstairs. He refuses, and also calls me a prude & a killjoy for refusing to show my titties.
I (Swapped) Spit On Your Grave, by intangiblemango
In my junior year of high school, I flew to California for someone else's senior prom because I am so sexy and classy that I couldn't find a single person to date in my entire home state. Said date was super sheltered and Catholic, so I was his first kiss and he was very excited so we had lots and lots of kisses with too much tongue. Prom was at Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, and we left and wandered off to this abandoned building and he proceeded to try to lick my epiglottis. Turns out, we had wandered into Ronald Reagan's grave site and two chaperones had to come get us, yelling the whole time about how we had defiled the ex-president's final resting place.
He Was The Cat's Meow, by intelly
I went to a REALLY small high school (about 50 students in each grade), and my boyfriend and I were the token semi-popular quirky couple. I loved art, he loved theater, we were totes soul mates (by a weird coincidence, we also had the same birthday)
We had been dating since 8th grade, so imagine my surprise when he calls me THREE days before prom to tell me that he had cheated on me.
With another guy.
At a gay club.
The guy he cheated on me with? The club DJ, who was named DJ Kitty Litterz.
Now, I know that if you're a gay man, then there's no amount of lady prom regalia that will make you find a woman "totally do-able" (as I would have said in 2004....and also in 2011), but I wasn't fully aware of this when I was 18, so I still took him as my date, because I thought I could win him back...
I spent the entire night eating my emotions while my now ex introduced everyone to "his new self". This included, but was not limited to: a very strong lisp he had never had before, calling everyone "Honey", trying to give football players lap dances, and telling everyone how sex with another man is waaay better than sex with a girl (he had only had sex with me, and most people either knew or assumed that). He then left me there so he could meet up with his old friend, Litterz.
Peeping Parents, by DressedInYellow
Okay, not technically prom, but a school dance. Actually, it was a middle school dance, in which the three schools that combined to make the seventh grade class would all meet and mix and mingle, and sort out the general social order for the next six years. I was a short, skinny, flat-chested girl with a big nose, frizzy hair, and crooked teeth. So, naturally, every dance might be the time that girls like me find the outfit and the hairstyle that changes everything and they emerge from the cocoon a beautiful butterfly and everyone notices them and their awesomeness except no, that never happens, so maybe I just won't embarrass myself, maybe.
At one point, stressed from moving between cliquey circles of middle schoolers talking about things I don't understand and wondering who told me I could stand there, I take a breath of fresh air outside and in front of the rec center. It was a nice, still summer night. And then I hear it:
"Honey, I think we should go now."
It was my parents. Hiding behind the bushes. I am the girl who's parents are caught watching her from behind the bushes at her first dance. We make eye contact. They try to apologize.
Mortified, I run back inside hoping no one saw, but of course everyone saw. So I take a deep breath, walk back outside. And I yell at them for being out past their curfew. Because if I make it funny, that makes me cool, right?
No. No, it didn't.
The Barftastic Boy, by MissAimee
My date, my 19 year old college student boyfriend, took too many Rx painkillers and started vomiting at the restaurant before prom. I called his roomate to come and pick him up. We had been in a big fight the week before because I wanted to go with my friend to prom and he was jealous so insisted on going, in the parking lot as I walked him to the roommates car (we had been kicked out of the restaurant so everyone was watching) he pitched a fit when I informed him I still wanted to go to the dance with my friends. Crying in front of everyone ensued.
Dragged Us Away, by SFDevil
I went to high school outside of Philadelphia and it was decided that we would have our prom across state lines at the Camden (NJ) aquarium. The aquarium is not in a good part of town, hell Camden has not had a good part of town since the 1950's, anyhow it was my dates dream to arrive at her prom in a horse drawn carriage. Unable to deter her from the idea I resolved to make the best of it. Two white kids from the suburbs riding in a horse drawn carriage through the streets of Camden must of made quite a sight. As we approached the aquarium a gun shot went off, very close by, and spooked the horse who took off at a gallop. After a block the driver managed to stop the horse but not before my date, terrified at the gun shot and the runaway carriage, pissed herself. She then demanded that carriage driver go around the block (out of view from where people could see us) and wait with us until we hailed a cab ( before cell phone saturation) which took about another 45 minutes. She cried the entire time.
Shellfish Whims, by AllyM
My junior year I went all out, an expensive dress, limo, dinner at a really nice seafood restaurant... Little did I know that was going to be the night my body decided to become allergic to shellfish. I had shrimp for dinner (I LOVED shrimp and never had a problem eating it before) and shortly after I started to feel sick. I shook it off though because hey, it was prom! When we arrived at the convention center I started to feel worse, my stomach hurt and I was starting to get really warm and itchy. As I started to scratch my neck I felt a lump about the size of an egg at the base of my skull. It was also at about this point that all of my friends noticed that I was the color of a tomato. It all went downhill from here. I developed hives so bad that they covered my entire body within minutes and shortly after I started having trouble breathing and my face started to swell. All of this happened in the entry way to the ballroom where everyone had to go to hand in their tickets and get pictures taken. Suffice to say, I had a pretty hefty crowd (practically the entire Junior and Senior class) watch as I blew up like a red balloon and had to be carted out on a stretcher in front of everyone. When I got to the hospital I got to have my beautiful, expensive dress cut off of me and I spent the rest of the night hooked up to IVs as my friends danced the night away.
When Your Chaperone Needs A Chaperone, by elizboom
The teacher that was in charge of our prom (and multiple "Favorite Teacher" winner) resigned suddenly a few weeks before the big day. We discovered it was because a student had come forward alleging sexual misconduct. (He pleaded guilty to the charges a year later.) An exhaustive investigation followed, with many of the male kids in my grade being asked if they were aware of the teacher's documented interest in them. Very uncomfortable time at our school.
Well to top it all off, we discovered before he resigned he took all the money that was designated to pay for our prom. So we were fortunate enough to have it at the venue we wanted, but everything else became a real low budget affair. (Normally the proms at our school were pretty badass.) The whole evening had an unspoken dirtiness to it, especially for my date who looked up to that teacher so much he wanted him to sit at our table originally. Yikes.
So thanks again for all that, Mr. P! Hope you're enjoying it on the sex offender registry.
Why Did The Bunny Cross The Road? by jetRink
The girl I had asked to prom was kind and very pretty and I didn't know her all that well. She was a friend of a friend. The party after prom was at some uncle's lake house way out in the country. My date and I were getting on well when a rabbit ran out in the road. I have a firm belief that you shouldn't risk your life for a small animal, so I always make a conscious effort not to swerve dangerously, hoping the animal will get itself to safety. This one did not.
As we drove towards it, it just sat there looking at us. I'm not a fast driver, so it seemed the little creature sat in the road for an eternity before we were finally on it and it disappeared with an anticlimactic thump. My date was dismayed, and more than a little angry. She thought I ran it down on purpose, and it really looked like I had. It took a while, but I managed to persuade her it was an accident and I was just trying to be a safe driver. All was forgotten and we were chatting again.
It was then the second rabbit jumped out in the road. It went down like the last bowling pin. I swear I couldn't have avoided that one, or I would have. Anyway. After that, it was quiet in the car for a long time. Things really never recovered.
The Ballad Of Crazy Brad, by LeaveittoPsmith
I had a total of one boy who had a crush on me in high school, I will call him "Crazy Brad". Crazy Brad once threw a desk at my friend after she got a better score than him on an English exam, he had a tendency of kicking things when he didn't get his way, and he muttered constantly under his breath about stabbing people.
I, and I believe this was understandable, did not want to go to prom with him. But I really wanted to go to prom. So I proceeded to ask just about every boy I ever talked to, and was turned down by all of them. Eventually I guilted my friend into going with me, but he was none too enthusiastic. This was my prom invite: "I'll take you, but I don't want to."
So anyway, Crazy Brad finds out that I'm going to prom with this other dude and begins making death threats about him. My band director finds out about this, and instead of alerting the principal or security calls me into his office to explain myself. The general feeling seemed to be that I should just go to prom with Crazy Brad because it would make his life and he would stop being so angry all the time. Even my date told me I should go with him. I was unmoved.
Then, prom night. Prom was fine, it wasn't life changing but at least I had a tuxedo to stand next to for the pictures. Then at after prom Crazy Brad showed up. Now, I've built this up so it looks like he's going to shoot somebody, but the finale of this story is kind of anticlimactic.
HE CHALLENGED MY DATE TO A GAME OF ROCK PAPER SCISSORS.
There you have it. I'm not exactly the face which lost a thousand ships, I am the girl who is worth a rock paper scissors challenge. Which my date then lost. Crazy Brad was triumphant in that, at least. And if it was Rock Paper Scissors for my hand, I guess Crazy Brad won me, even though I had nothing to do with it.
So yeah, prom sucked.
Bonus Feel-Good Story!
Fierce & Feminist, by edith-irene
As my Prom approached (we had a junior prom, but no senior prom) I knew I wasn't going to find a date. I didn't have any real crushes at the time, and the boys that had crushes on me never spoke up- so I watched as one by one my friends bought tickets two by two. But I was going to be damned if I wasn't going to go to the party all my friends were going to and wear a nice dress! Screw it, I'd go by myself- most of my friends were going to go with other friends anyways, so I'd just hang out with them and have a great time (not many people remained coupled all night- we were all more free-form party goers.)
SO I summon up all my courage and pluck (I have lots) and went up in line all by my lonesome in the cafeteria, cash in hand, to buy my single prom ticket. AND DISASTER ENSUED. The ticket sellers had no idea what to do, the Prom Committee got involved, I couldn't buy my ticket and the next day in the morning PA announcements somebody actually got on to say you couldn't buy single prom tickets, only pairs. I didn't get it. I had the money, I wanted to go, what the hell, right?
So I go home and explain what happened to my Mom and Dad. I am merely perplexed and annoyed, but Mom (an old-school feminist and all-around awesome lady- also a class A squeaky wheel) was INCENSED.
SO, basically this ended with my friends and I watching in awe as my Mom literally blew past security and secretaries, threw open the door to the Principle's office and very loudly gave him a piece of her mind (which you could hear echoing down the hallways- there was quite the crowd at the end of it!) It was a moment I will never forget- she was amazing. She gave a whole speech that incorporated the Bill of Rights, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Eleanor Roosevelt as well as some choice cursing- she became a hero to my friends that day and solidified her position as Most Amazing Woman in the Universe for me that day.
End result- I went to Prom. The School Committee and Superintendent of our town handed the Principle and Prom Committee their asses on a platter, and now all Prom tickets are always sold as singles. And a lovely time was had by all!
Earlier: Tell Us Your Awful Prom Stories