Kate & William Crumble, Grudgingly Agree To Hire Servants

Following the announcement that Prince William and Duchess Shinylocks will be residing part-time in Kensington Palace, notices have been posted around Buckingham Palace for a housekeeper, butler, valet and dresser. "The whole place is buzzing with excitement," reports a source (really, it seems like anything will make the Palace buzz with excitement these days). "Lots of people will want these prestigious jobs. The royals always like to promote existing staff rather than bring in people from outside. This is a golden opportunity for someone to be in at the beginning of William and Kate's working and domestic lives." The couple made a noble attempt to do without domestic help for the past few weeks, but the stress of feeding and clothing themselves has proved too much.