Great news, ladies! We've solved marriage!
An Islamic fringe group called Global Ikhwan has founded an "Obedient Wives Club" in Malaysia (is it like the First Wives' Club, but with less Diane Keaton? I hope so!). The club's mission is to help solve all of the problems, which are mostly caused by women not letting their husbands have sex with them enough.
(Rohayah Mohamad, one of the club's founders) said wives must go beyond the traditional roles as good cooks or good mothers and learn to "obey, serve and entertain" their husbands to prevent them from straying or misbehaving.
Indirectly, "disobedient wives are the cause for upheaval in this world" because men are not happy at home and their minds and souls are disturbed, she said.
Authorities recently said Malaysia's divorce rate has doubled from 2002 to 2009 with higher rates among Malay Muslims.
"When husbands come home, wives do not welcome their husbands with warm alluring smiles and sexy dressing ... That is the reality today," she said.
It turns out, the secret to a happy union is to let your husband have sex with you whenever he wants. If your marriage is sad or fraught with strife, simply fuck your way out. How novel. And if you refuse, you are literally causing war to happen.
The 800-member-strong club isn't going without criticism from more moderate Islamic groups.
Women's group, Sisters in Islam, said Islam advocates marriages based on mutual cooperation and respect. It said domestic violence happens regardless of women's behavior.
"Communication, not submission, is vital to sustain any healthy relationship," it said.
It's easy to point fingers at the ass-backwards inanity of groups like the Obedient Wives Club- how is it that men are meant to rule the world, run businesses and governments and households, yet they're unable to act independently of dangerous female stimulus? Men are the stronger sex, unless a woman makes them act in a bad way. The only way to assure that a man will not, say, get mad and invade Poland one day, is to make sure you're giving him whatever he wants. Like a two year old.
Remember when we were told for thousands of years that we should obey men and we did it and no women were ever hurt or harmed or unhappy ever?
Image via AP