I think this is a sign of the apocalypse: Kate Middleton's parents are selling Justin Bieber partyware on their website. Now you can suck punch out of a straw with his face on it, which is really gross. Apparently the Middletons got into the Bieb when he tweeted about Pippa: "Congrats to William and Kate... and Kate's sister. She was a hit." Now the nine zillion other people who have tweeted about Pippa are wondering when they get their face on a fucking straw. [The Sun]

  • Also in Bieber news, his fans are really mad at Selena Gomez for kissing their boyfriend. Said one eloquent tweep, "Dear Selena Gomez. I hate you more than life. Go jump off a cliff. K (OK)?" It's good that this person clarified what "K" means. Another one: "Stay away from Justin (sic) pedophile. I'm gonna kill ya (sic) in the night underneath your smelly bed." [Oh No They Didn't]
  • Mark Ronson is getting married in France in September. The wedding will supposedly be "laid-back," except for the fact that all the guests are rock stars. [ContactMusic]
  • Dolly Parton really wants to do a duet with Lady Gaga or Madonna. She says, "I was gaudy before they were gaudy." [Digital Spy]
  • Ke$ha has a new dog but she doesn't know what to name it. She has asked her Twitter followers for help, adding, "Ok so far down to Bacon, Iggy, Jagger, Bowie or Roxy (after Roxy Music)." We suggest Dumba$$. [ContactMusic]
  • Speaking of Ke$%^#^#^ha, Moby does not think she is really a musician. He says of her work and that of Britney Spears, "Music is something that communicates emotion and integrity in a really interesting, direct way. And when I listen to the pop music you're describing, it's hyper-produced corporate product. That isn't really even a criticism, but I just think calling it music is a misnomer." [Digital Spy]
  • Chris Brown gave a girl a "raunchy lap-dance" at his Miami show. Later he tweeted of the after-party, "Pool party was insane!!! Nipples everywhere! Lol." Now I'm imagining a bunch of disembodied nipples floating around a pool like weirdo sea creatures. Thanks, Chris Brown. [ContactMusic]
  • Christina Aguilera likes video games, and her favorite is Mario Kart. Stars: they're just like us, when we were fourteen. [ONTD]
  • A former nanny for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver says Schwarzenegger never tried to have sex with her, so obviously Mildred "Patty" Baena "must have aggressively pursued Arnold." This is a really stupid item, but you probably do want to click the link to see the most ridiculous composite image in recent memory. [TMZ]
  • Publishers are passing on Jennifer Hudson's diet book because she is not willing to also write about the murder of her family. [ContactMusic]
  • Amber Rose says she was misquoted in her Vibe interview: "Yall don't give a fuck that I have a Mom & Family thats gonna read that fake a— sh— I gave yall a truthful interview & Yall f##ked me." It's not clear what part of the interview she disputes — as ONTD points out, none of it was that scandalous anyway. [ONTD]
  • T.I. sponsored a bus trip for families to make a Memorial Day visit to other inmates at the Arkansas prison where he's doing time. [MTV]
  • Rapper Sean Kingston and a female friend were hurt when their "personal watercraft" hit a Miami-area bridge. Cops say there's no evidence alcohol was involved. [AP/CBS]
  • Would you like to get Vanessa Minillo and Nick Lachey a wedding gift? Now you can, because they are registered at Williams-Sonoma. Consider some Juliska Berry & Thread dinnerware, or a Feinberg English Silver wine funnel, for the most sophisticated beer bong ever. [People]