For the Billboard Music Awards, the dresses of the evening were appropriately Vegas-looking, which in some instances was a good a thing. But not always.

Keri Hilson's color palette—mustard, bright blue, and hot pink—made her look so much more appealing, where as Taylor Swift rolled out the same kind of champagne pretty princess dress that she's worn about a million times before. Meanwhile, Nicole Kidman's modest, shapeless black dress and braid gave her an FLDS vibe.

Rihanna looked all grown-up in her white pants suit and nude shoes. She still kept some flair with a single titty tassel and bright red hair. Later, after her performance, she kissed Britney Spears, a stunt even Kathie Lee and Hoda felt was "boring."

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Mary J. Blige's look could so easily step into Joyce Leslie territory, but leopard print just looks a lot classier when used on something like a '40s style cut. Plus, having half of one's head in a bowl cut and the other half in a ponytail is a win.

You know, it must be really hard to have to stand next to Beyoncé for most of your career, because you're almost always completely overlooked, but damn if Kelly Rowland doesn't look absolutely stunning, even if she is wearing the tired old bandage dress.

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What's with Selena Gomez's Indecent Proposal dress? Yeah, she's 18, but I still think that—in the opposite vein of Showgirls—she's a little too young for that whorey look.

Speaking of whorey looks, here's Nayer, who is somehow associated with Pitbull. She's wearing what looks like a nude suit beneath a bunch of scraps of fabric or neckties or something. Remember when in Pretty Woman Julia Roberts is helping Richard Gere tie his tie, and she says she knows how to do it because "screwed the debate team" in high school? This is what it would look like if a prostitute actually did that.

How cute is Kylie Minogue? She seems to be going down the Cher path of growing up, in which "age appropriate" will never really be an applicable phrase.

Fergie, however, is a different story. I mean, this dress isn't the grossest thing I've ever seen...because Ke$ha was there.

See? If Ke$ha were a Teen Mom, she'd totally be Jenelle. She's completely oblivious to the fact that she's constantly making bad choice after bad choice.

I'm fond of people who wear wigs with roots because it's demonstrative of a sense of humor. That said, Nicki Minaj's outfit is weird and the white pantyhose thing underneath is confusing. But then she turns around and you see her ass and nothing else matters.