Beyonce Awesome, Everyone ConcludesS

Everyone, including Michelle Obama, Lady Gaga, and Stevie Wonder is paying tribute to Beyonce's 15 year career at the Billboard awards. Following the awards show, the 29 year old singer will be humanely euthanized, as putting female pop stars down before they reach 30 is generally thought of as the least cruel way the entertainment industry deals with women advancing more than 10 years beyond teenagerhood. [Contact Music]
Evangeline Lily has given birth to a baby boy, against all odds (I thought you couldn't get pregnant on the Island?) The former star of Lost plans to lead the child through a series of confusing adventures, few of which are ever explained. [Showbiz Spy]
Kevin Bacon has told his wife, Kyra Sedgwick that she shouldn't be sad when he dies, which is silly, because Kevin Bacon won't ever die. He lives in all of us, separated from every living human by only six degrees and singing the joyful anthem of Tremors across the land like a revelation of Truth and Light. [Showbiz Spy]
Anna Kournikova will be training America's most heartwarmingly (but also heartbreakingly) fat game show participants on the next season of The Biggest Loser in the wake of the departure of Jillian Michaels. If she trains and judges TBL contestants like she plays tennis, she'll grunt a lot, do a mediocre job getting people to actually lose weight, get a ton of attention, and then make out with Enrique Iglesias. [Contact Music]
There's a new trailer out for the final Harry Potter film that contains *sPoIlErS*. Here's a spoiler alert- a book detailing the exact plot of the final Harry Potter movie came out like five years ago, and if you lazily didn't read it but plan on seeing the movie, I hope you're punished by having the end of the movie revealed to you before you watch it. (The gang's at a diner sitting around and Don't Stop Believing by Journey starts playing and suddenly the screen goes black. Also it turns out that only Hermione can see Ron. And Kevin Spacey is Keyser Soze. And Harry is forced to leave The Hendersons and return to the forest, from whence he came.) [HuffPo]
Russell Brand tried to enter Japan with Katy Perry's tour entourage only to be denied entry to the country. Russell Brand: too dirty for a country that sells used schoolgirl panties from vending machines. [Contact Music]
I learned a lot about British wedding traditions from this article about Lily Allen. For example, did you know that in the UK, a bachelorette party is called a "hen party?" And did you know that not inviting your former best friend to your "hen party" is "the ultimate snub?" I was under the impression, based on an earlier Daily Mail article, that not inviting your friend to your wedding was "the ultimate snub," but I guess there can be more than one "ultimate snub," and "ultimate," like "bachelorette party," has a different meaning across the pond. [Daily Mail]
Lars von Trier continues to successfully troll the agog entertainment industry. What's that you say, Lars? Nazis?!? What other totally shocking and transgressive things do you have up your sleeve? AIDS orphans? Got any rape jokes? How about jokes about cancer? How about Nazi rape AIDS cancer female genital mutilation? World's Edgiest Dude Ever Champion, 2011! [HuffPo]
Zsa Zsa Gabor, currently in a coma, will never be taken off life support, according to her weird husband. [Digital Spy]
Meanwhile, at the House of the Ultimate Snubee, Kate Moss plans to have Snoop Dogg perform at her wedding, which is a great idea if you're trying to stay away from drugs. [Showbiz Spy]