This is it. The day we've been waiting for. We started this war with 16 supercute kitties and 16 precious puppies. Now, brave warriors — Tiger! Pit Bull! Tabby! MUTT!!! — lie fallen on the bloodied fields. Only two critters remain: Tuxedo and Corgi. One cat. One dog. And there can only be one winner. We must declare, once and for all, which animal means the most to us. Which beast is best. Even if you love cats and adore dogs, you know, deep in your heart, that one of these creatures is superior. But which one? Let us decide. Together.
CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH!!! Tuxedo (4) vs. Corgi (4)
The Tuxedo cat is the James Bond of kittehs. Suave, dapper, charming, but still dangerous. Tuxedo will scratch a fool's eyes out but still look dignified and ready to frolic in Monte Carlo. Hobbies include: leg-rubbing, purring, destroying rolls of toilet paper. Tuxedo has been chosen to represent all felines of the Cat Conference. Can he beat Corgi, bringing victory to cats worldwide? We shall see.
The Corgi is dog royalty. Beloved by Queens, celebrated across the world wide web, nothing gets this stumpy little pup down. His steady smile and laughably lolling tongue make him a jolly jester — the perfect companion in a cruel, cruel world. Corgi is proud to represent all his bitches in the Canine Conference. Can he defeat Tuxedo, bringing home the trophy to dogs worldwide? We shall see.
It is time. VOTE!
Do not be intimidated by the responsibility, the gravity and significance of this momentous occasion. VOTE! And spread the word across the land! Two critters have crawled into the ring, but only one winner will scamper out! GO CATS! GO DOGS!