Hey guys! I'm at the beach! It's so awesome, especially since I drank a bottle of Jim Beam before leaving the hotel room. So do you guys think there are unicorns in the water? Once, I saw this show, and there were these seal creatures called Warhols, and they had long horns they'd stolen from unicorns, how bad-ass is that?

When I'm not sure whether or not something is bad-ass, I usually ask my boobs. Ladies, what do you think? Hello? Girls? One of them is a little deaf. Or maybe they're sleeping. I'll ask someone else's chest.

Dude, mind if I ask your nipples a question? Rad.

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(whispering) Hey… have you seen any unicorns or Warhols today?

(laughing) Ha, good idea! Fucking-A! I am going jiggle and juggle my twins until they wake up.

Come on ladies! Don't get lazy!

And one and two, and one and two… I must, I must, I must wake up my bust!

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What else can we do?

Let's play invisible sex partner!

Uhhhn. You like that?

Mmmmm… yeah, you look sooo good. You feel so grainy. I don't care if you got crabs, baby! You fine!

Phew! Spent. And it's only ten a.m.

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Images via Pacific Coast News.