Glee: New Directions' Alcohol-Fueled Bisexual Awakening

Tonight’s Glee was pretty fun, if you enjoy watching minors get shitfaced. The kids behaved like actual high schoolers for a change, getting drunk in Rachel’s basement on liquor pilfered from her dads’. (Okay, high school parties don’t usually involve impromptu vocal performances complete with lighting an microphones, but since “Don’t You Want Me Baby” is my go-to drunken karaoke song this part rang true to me.)

After Rachel gets drunk for the first time, Finn, who’s gone from being boring and a bit dense to boring and a bit of an asshole, informs her that she’s “the needy girl drunk. Hanging all over me, being overly lovey — it’s not cool.” To get back at him she calls for a game of spin the bottle and winds up kissing Blaine. He finds Rachel so alluring in her ’70s grandma gown that he starts questioning his sexuality and agrees to go on a date with her, much to Kurt’s horror.

The kids head to school on Monday with massive hangovers, which transitions nicely into a performance of “Blame It On The Alcohol.” You see, Principal Figgins wants New Directions to prepare a song for the Alcohol Awareness Week assembly, and there are no other songs about the dangers of alcohol (possibly because it’s awesome). Mr. Schue tells the kids Jamie Foxx and T-Pain’s masterpiece is inappropriate, so instead they sing Ke$ha’s “Tic Tok,” because that doesn’t celebrate alcoholism whatsoever. The kids drink before the performance and wind up barfing all over each other, but Figgins thinks it was just an act to demonstrate why you shouldn’t performing trashy pop songs while drunk.

After kissing Rachel sober, Blaine realizes his homosexuality is still intact, but Rachel is excited that she now has a tortured romantic history to fuel her songwriting. Schue asks the kids to lay off the booze until after regionals, but ultimately there are no real consequences to their behavior. Sure, there are some references to alcoholism and drunk driving in this episode, and Will embarrasses himself by leaving Sue a drunk voicemail intended for Emma, but it was surprisingly light on the after school special lectures. As someone of legal age who doesn’t need the Glee kids to show her drinking is fun, I had no qualms with enjoying the kids’ shennanigans. However, this episode should be a wake-up call to parents freaking out about Lea Michele’s Cosmo cover cleavage. Glee is not aimed at 9-year-olds.