Perhaps the producers of The View knew they had something very special on their hands when Jessica Hahn—known for a sex scandal involving televangelist Jim Bakker in the '80s—sat down at the table and launched into a story for a full three minutes before anyone else could get a word in edgewise that wasn't even about the Bakker scandal at all, but rather, how she started dating her dead boyfriend's best friend. She stayed on for a (seemingly) pilled-up 10-minute segment in which she rambled, stuttered, incited a bitchy comment from Barbara Walters, implied then denied she was raped, and finally, stiffly twirled around to show off her body. I was scared (and kind of hoping?) for a moment that she would tumble over.

If you need further proof of her intoxication, this is how many fingers she held up when she said the phrase, "Three months later…"