On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT Alright

And not just because, at the premiere of Never Say Never, half the crowd was expiring from Bieber Fever. No, to believe the evidence presented by this master class in youth fashion, we have bigger concerns.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

There were, of course, chaperoning adults. These fell into two categories: randoms, and long-suffering parents. For the sake of Darlene Connor, let's assume Sara Gilbert falls into the latter category!

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Of course Kathy Griffin's there. Of course she is. This is her art.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

I actually have no idea why Whitney Port is here. I guess she felt silly sitting at home in this blouse. Although she shouldn't.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Meanwhile, I am firing Erika Jayne as a chaperone.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Leona Lewis, you can go too. Take those loud-mouthed boobs with you.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Jaden Smith and Willow Smith, of course, totally dominate the red carpet.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

On the bright side, Chloe Moretz is one to watch, style-wise.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Mackenzie Aladjem, obviously here for the right reasons, and dressed to impress.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

And Jadin Gould obviously chose her own outfit, which I support.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

As to Peyton List, I get wanting to look your best for the Biebs, but you have your whole life to sit in the stylist's chair!

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Selena Gomez is a brave woman, going into the belly of the beast. No matter how cute she looks... those girls have the fever.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Usher's little boys so do not want to be here...but I'm selfishly glad they are!

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

Miley Cyrus goes all Rachel Zoe on us — the 70s trend is officially Here. And is that a...skull around her neck?

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

I guess this was really the ne plus ultra of teen events — I guess actress Cassie Scerbo felt, go big or go home.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

It's a sad state of affairs that, looking so cute and demure, Kelsey Chow looks totally out of place.

On This Red Carpet, The Kids Are NOT AlrightS

The man himself: this velvet jacket looks like the work of his new "swagger coach."